Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network

Media coverage of unwed moms dramatically increasing

2011-06-23T19:17:00.003-04:00

Yoo, Ji Young, staff member of KUMSN helps those of us who don’t speak Korean, keep track of the Korean news. A few days ago she sent us an email letting us know that there were over 50 news articles, radio or TV shows regarding unwed moms in May. AMAZING! The attention was generated in part by Single Mothers Day, observed on the same day as the government sponsored Adoption Day. As a sign of the times, there was more media coverage of the moms event, than the adoption event. You can see some of the articles on the KUMSN web site, for instance http://www.kumsn.org/main/index.php?mid=kumsn_resources_article&document_srl=9483 and http://www.kumsn.org/main/index.php?mid=kumsn_resources_article&document_srl=9997 . More articles can be found on our site at http://www.kumsn.org/main/kumsn_resources_article.

Further coverage was stimulated by a forum hosted by the Institute for Gender and Law, at Ewha Women’s University addressing the legal protection of unwed moms. Papers were presented by international experts from the USA and Australia, as well as by Kwon, Hee Jung, Executive Director of KUMSN and other Korea experts. A press release regarding the forum can be found on our website at http://www.kumsn.org/main/index.php?mid=press_releases&document_srl=9902. While none of the papers are available yet (check back in July or August, we should have links to them after the Institute publishes the proceedings of the forum), the forum itself generated more press.

Another big boost to media coverage was the Seoul Hanbumo Support Center campaign to find a new word to "name" unwed moms. Associated with the campaign there were 6 articles in the Seoul newspaper, over 1800 people participated in a related online forum and 1484 potential names submitted. Check out our upcoming July newsletter for more information and find out which name was selected!

It is wonderful to see how much attention is now being paid to the issues facing unwed moms. However, before we celebrate too quickly, it seems important to note that while attention may be the forerunner of change, it isn’t guaranteed. Unwed moms continue to face the same pressures for the most part – job discrimination, housing discrimination, pressure from family and friends to have an abortion or relinquish their child for adoption, insufficient government support, and the absence of responsibility by the baby’s father. So, while it is exciting to read all this coverage, and it is clear that a tipping point has been reached in terms of openly discussing the situation for unwed moms and their children, there is still a long way to go to shrink the hurdles they face. We know there are a number of proposed bills in the National Assembly to address the concerns of unwed moms and hear that the government may also consider changes in policies to better support the moms. We also know that a few private businesses and organizations have increased their involvement with unwed moms. KUMSN applauds all this activity. We look forward to the day when there just isn’t much to cover in the media, because the lives of unwed moms are like the lives of all moms, with the every day challenges mothers face, but nothing extra.

Some thoughts from Evelyn Robinson

2011-02-15T01:45:00.003-05:00

Evelyn is a relatively new friend of KUMSN and she has shared some thoughts with us, as a mother who lost her son to adoption in Scotland in 1970. She later moved to Australia and has been active in supporting moms who have lost children to adoption and advocating for better policies in there. She shared some thoughts with us. Read on.....

I first became involved with adoption in 1970, when I gave birth to my first son. I was told by many people that I should allow him to be adopted, because it would provide the best possible future for him - and isn’t that what every parent wants for their child?

Attitudes to single parenthood have changed enormously in countries like Britain and Australia since my son was born, which is one reason why those who want children are now looking to obtain them from further afield, in countries like Korea. Mothers in other countries are now being pressured the way I and many other unmarried mothers were, to allow their children to be adopted, because it will, supposedly, provide them with the best outcomes.

I was reunited with my son in 1991 and by that time I had become involved with other mothers who had also been separated from their children by adoption. I found enormous relief in finally being able to spend time with women who really understood what I had been through, because they had been through the same sort of experience. I am delighted to learn that groups now exist in Korea, to support mothers who have lost children to adoption.

My early experiences of support groups for mothers were extremely positive. These experiences led me to explore the ways in which mothers whose children had been adopted could be assisted and could assist themselves. Over the last twenty years, I have helped literally thousands of mothers around the world.

However, as time has passed, I have, unfortunately, witnessed a negative side to some of these groups. It has saddened me enormously to watch some of them self-destruct, as they lost focus and fell into the hands of people who were sometimes power-hungry, ruthless and/or dishonest.
To those members of mothers’ groups in Korea now, I should like to warn you to care for each other and for your groups and try to ensure that your groups remain healthy.

My primary focus has always been on assisting those who have experienced adoption separation to understand their experience, to acknowledge their loss and to manage their grief. I should also like to suggest that you encourage anyone who has been separated from a family member by adoption to take responsibility for their own well-being, just in case there ever comes a time when a group is no longer available to meet their needs.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2011-01-06T17:44:00.002-05:00

May the New Year bring you health and happiness, and may it bring better lives for the moms and their children. They are as deserving as any of us to have fulfilling lives.

Happy 2011!

Richard Boas, MD, President and Founder
KUMSN

Evelyn Robinson

2010-12-20T17:10:00.003-05:00

From Rick Boas:

Hee Jung and I have had the pleasure of "meeting" Evelyn Robinson via email.

Born and raised in Scotland, she gave up her son for adoption in 1970. She moved to Australia in 1982, and reunited with her son when he was 21 years old. Evelyn has been involved with post-adoption support services in Australia as a social worker and educator since 1989, and currently provides training for professionals through the government-funded Post Adoption Support Service (PASS). She has written and published four books about adoption. Her most recent, Adoption Separation - Then and now, will be available in early 2011.

In Evelyn’s first book, Adoption and Loss - The Hidden Grief, she proposed that the grief associated with adoption loss is disenfranchised. This approach is now widely accepted in the adoption community.

Evelyn frequently trains and lectures on adoption separation around the globe, and has presented with her son. She has never charged a fee for these engagements. More information about Evelyn and her work is available from www.clovapublications.com.

Evelyn kindly forwarded the full text of the apology to birthmothers and their children by the Parliament of Western Australia (in October), and accompanying articles--all of which are riveting--via the Australian Journal of Adoption:

http://www.nla.gov.au/openpublish/index.php/aja

What really moved me was the following, beautifully written--and not requested by me! Thank you Evelyn!:

I was contacted recently by the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network. Please visit their web site at http://www.kumsn.org/main/?mid=kumsn_aboutus_mission. I hope that you'll read the inspiring story of how the network was founded by an adoptive father.

Expectant mothers in Korea who are unmarried and not supported by their families or the fathers of their children are being pressured into agreeing for their children to be adopted. Their situation is very similar to the situation in countries like Australia, New Zealand, the UK, Ireland, Canada and the US in the middle to late twentieth century. This is causing heartbreaking and unnecessary family separations.

More than 200,000 Korean children have already been adopted out to other countries in the last forty years or so and some have also been lost to domestic adoption in that period. This means that there are several hundred thousand mothers in Korea who are mourning the loss of their children, as well as fathers, grandparents, siblings and other family members.

Groups such as KUMSN are trying to change the social and financial climate to allow unmarried mothers to raise their children.

Anything we can do to help them would be much appreciated. They are not asking for financial support, but it would be great for them to know that people around the world are concerned about this situation.

If you feel inclined, you can follow them on Facebook, you can contribute to their newsletter or you can contact them via their web site and offer messages of encouragement and support.

Also, in my opinion, every country which accepts children from Korea for adoption is supporting these painful and unnecessary family breakdowns and so you may want to make your feelings known to politicians and policy-makers in your own country and ask them to consider the plight of unmarried mothers in Korea and refuse to support the removal of their children.

I am sure that change will come in Korea and anything that we can do to make that happen sooner rather than later will mean that we are contributing to the establishment of social justice for families in Korea.

Many thanks for considering this.

Please feel free to distribute this information.

Evelyn

KWDI Study on Moms Published

2010-11-12T13:26:00.001-05:00

As a "respectful outsider," I see my role as one of raising the visibility of the issue of unwed Korean pregnant women, mothers and their children, supporting efforts by Koreans (including academics, the media, government, service providers, and the moms themselves) to make better lives for them, and catalyzing change.

It is has been particularly satisfying to work with our friends at Korean Womens Development Institute, whose studies on the issue are already having an impact. KWDI just released their eagerly-awaited and much-needed study How to Improve Government Welfare Services for Low-Income Unwed Mothers in Korea, by Drs. Lee Mijeong and Kim Hyeyoung and their colleagues. Though the situation of unwed Korean moms is getting increased attention, and moms are receiving some increased support, prejudice and discrimination against them are still commonplace. Moms--especially the older moms--are not receiving the support they need.

The study discusses the moms' situation, needs, difficulties they experience, what support is available (and what the moms report they receive), and makes policy recommendations. Here are some significant (and timely) points:

1. Moms age 24 and under receive the most benefits, yet over 77% of unwed moms are 25 and older. Support needs to be based on the child's age, not the mother's.
2. Many moms don't know what benefits are available. Moms report that local welfare office employees are underinformed re: benefits, and are rude to them.
3. Though there are laws which grant maternity leave and prohibit discrimination at work, these are not enforced.
4. Unwed fathers need to be held responsible for their children; mothers need to be able to bring action without fear of reprisal.
5. Childcare allowance is insufficient.
6. A comprehensive database and statistics on unwed moms are needed.

KUMSN is proud to have underwritten this study, and we hope that this scholarly study from a highly respected Korean research institute will help change attitudes, catalyze change, and bring about policies that will benefit the moms and their children, so that they become true equals in Korean society.

Richard Boas, MD
Founder and President, KUMSN

Dr. Boas' reflections on the August 2010 trip

2010-08-29T16:49:00.002-04:00

What made this trip, my 9th, particularly rewarding, is that the issue of unwed moms and their children has become quite visible, and very much on the "radar screen." Forums such as the ones in Jeju and Gyeonggido--with active participation at both by unwed moms themselves--and government officials in attendance, were a wonderful demonstration of the active interest in the moms' situation, and ways of addressing it. I was so glad to hear the matter discussed at the recent IKAA Conference, which also included a joint presentation between an unwed mom and adoptee about their joint business venture--so that adoptees themselves are now more aware, and in a position themselves to address the issue.

The moms themselves are increasingly coming forward. I long ago lost count of the number of media interviews they have granted. May their numbers, voices and impact increase, in the cause of a socially just and truly democratic Korea. A recent "first," which we were so pleased to be an audience to, was a joint meeting between the newly-formed unwed moms' organization, Miss Mammamia, and Hanbumo Association. They have much common ground.

Not only is the matter of assistance for unwed moms very much an issue, the type of assistance is being increasingly discussed. Our belief--and that of the moms--is that these single-parent families are best supported in the community. Not only is this more cost-effective, it keeps moms and their children in the community, where they belong, and helps to decrease the stigma against them.

A group that I want to see become more involved is the Korean philanthropic community--corporations, foundations and individuals. Existing NGO's working for the moms, as well as a new one, formed by the moms themselves, need assistance. I am so heartened by the great interest shown by Korea Foundation for Women. This need is real, Korea itself is responsible for--and capable of--addressing the issue.

It was a pleasure and privilege to meet and speak with Professor David Smolin, a US legal scholar, now very much aware of problems of Korean adoption and Korean unwed moms. I welcome his continued interest in and help.

Since I began my work on behalf of Korean unwed moms, I have been saddened by the belief among Koreans that the mother alone is blamed for her pregnancy, and saddled with the responsibility for child-rearing and financial support of herself and her child. So many have been pressured--by families and by fathers-to-be--to get an abortion (96% among pregnancies of unwed women in Korea) or to give up her child to adoption, lest the reputation of the father or either family be ruined. This is unfair, unjust and discriminatory. Unwed fathers' responsibility is becoming increasingly discussed in Korea, and taken seriously, an important step. Koreans we spoke with "got it" when I quoted a US academic article which states that when men are held responsible for the children they father, birthrates go down.

We are delighted to assist Salvation Army/Duri Home in setting up a new Thrift Store/Coffee Shop in Seoul. Not only do we hope this will become a viable business (as existing stores are), but provide employment and valuable business experience for unwed moms. It was exciting to hear from the moms who will be working there. I look forward to my white chocolate mocha at the new store.

A big "thank you" to KUMSN staff for everything you do on behalf of social justice and progress for the moms and their children. I remain confident that Korea will solve this issue, and am proud we are playing a part.

Last whirlwind days

2010-08-08T19:19:00.001-04:00

The last two days of the trip were a whirlwind and now we are home. We talked with journalists (see the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network on Facebook for links to potential resulting articles), legislators, researchers and service providers. We visited the Hambumo Center for single and unwed parents located in one of the Seoul Healthy Family Centers and learned about their work and shared ideas about working with moms and their children.

One of the remarkable aspects of our conversations in the last few days and really all week, was the discussion of unwed fathers. When we started this work, the entire focus was on the moms. If we mentioned fathers, everyone said sure they exist, but no one will focus on their responsibility. Here we are just a couple of years later and many times this week, in many different settings, people wanted to talk about the responsibilities of unwed fathers, the fathers of unwed mother’s children. There are a number of efforts under way to submit legislation that would require fathers to pay child support. It is clear that the invisibility of unwed fathers is not going to last much longer.

Looking back on the trip, we have a sense of accomplishment. In the last year the government has increased funding for younger unwed mothers. The number of newspaper articles and television reports on the moms has increased dramatically. The national government and some provincial governments are funding programs and research on unwed moms and their children. One of three panels at the IKAA adoption research symposium was devoted to mothers who relinquish and those who don’t. We participated in two strong forums addressing the needs of unwed moms outside of Seoul, in Jeju and Gyeonggi-do. And we hosted the first meeting between unwed mothers and single mothers associations. We met with Professor Smolin and heard his talk at the IKAA symposium. And there was so much more. Wow!

We are celebrating how quickly things change in Korea and how strong the unwed moms are becoming. Their voice is getting every stronger and they speaking out in more forums then every before. At the same time, we are sobered by their suffering and the continued prejudice and discrimination they experience. While the government has increased some kinds of funding for younger moms, most moms continue to struggle with housing and financial needs. There is much more to be done.

Gyeonggido Family and Women’s Research Institute Forum

2010-08-04T19:33:00.000-04:00

Wednesday, August 4, found us in Gyeonggido participating in a forum addressing the needs of unwed mothers in their province. This was the first forum to address these issues in this province. Gyeonggido is the most populous province, as it is the area around Seoul, and is considered a microcosm of the country, containing cities, towns and farms, and of course mountains. The forum was attended by legislators from local councils, researchers, service providers, and unwed moms themselves. The turn out was much higher then they expected, over 50 people.

Dr. Boas gave an opening talk and Ellen Furnari delivered a talk written by Dr. Cheryl Mitchell, sharing information about services for families in the US, mostly based on economic need rather than marriage status. The highlight though was the research presented. This research is the first in the province on unwed mothers. They chose to focus on mothers in the community. They sent a questionnaire to over 700 mothers and approximately 40% were returned.

While the research has not been completed yet, and there is more analysis to be done, they shared some important findings. They estimated that between 400 to 600 children are born each year to unwed moms. Thus they estimate there are at least 2000 unwed moms in their province, and they believe the number is rising rapidly. The average age of the mothers in the survey was 30 and 51% had completed high school. About 10% are still connected with their babies father, while 49% reported no contact at all with the father. Interestingly 21% said they wanted vocational training but only 8% were aware of vocational training opportunities in the province. Most of the moms live in apartments paying monthly rent and many of the apartments are in basements. Perhaps related to this 42% of the moms reported themselves as in bad health with 12% of the children also in bad health. The average of the their children is 4.5 with 66% of the children 6 or younger ( Korean age starts at 1 when a child is born, so in American terms 66% of the children are 5 or younger). The moms reported that receiving financial support for their living expenses was the number one issue for them, with the need for housing support being a close second. As soon as we can KUMSN will post a copy of the research results as it provides important guidance for policy makers.

After the presentations there was a very lively question and answer session where a number of unwed moms spoke about their own experiences being treated rudely by social workers, needing financial support, the challenges of being discriminated against in finding work and other aspects of their struggle. One of the moms asked why the shelters for unwed moms do not hire unwed moms themselves. The session closed with a clear commitment from Gyeonggido leaders to work for an increased budget to support the moms and in particular to create more publicly supported housing, job training, more child care options and financial support. Better training for government social workers was also highlighted as an important element in treating moms with respect.

Over all it was a very satisfying forum and we left with high hopes about changes to come in the next year.

Research Symposium of the International Korean Adoptees Associations - IKAA

2010-08-03T19:22:00.002-04:00

Today we spent the whole day at IKAA'a research symposium. This was the first day of IKAA's gathering in Seoul. Of particular interest was the first panel that addressed the situation and concerns of unwed moms. Research was presented about the history of discrimination against women in Korea and the changes over the years to recognize women’s equality in Korean law. However it was pointed out that while laws can change, it is much harder to change social practices and there remains a big gap in the salaries between men and women, and in their roles in society.

Han Boon Young and Yang Min-Ok presented their research on the counseling received by pregnant unwed moms in facilities. For the moms who stayed in facilities run by adoption agencies, the research found that these moms received counseling that urged them to relinquish their children, for their own sakes and for the baby to have a better life. They also reported stories of agencies adopting out babies without proper consent or within a shorter time frame then was promised. These moms had to fight to get their children back. Overall it was a sobering look at current practices and certainly highlights the conflict of interest between the adoption side of an agency and the side that serves pregnant women.

Given our interest in unwed moms, the highlight for us of the afternoon sessions was a presentation by Professor Smolin, whom we had met earlier in the week. He gave a good overview of the current situation in international adoptions world -wide. His focus is on unethical adoptions, for the purpose of improving the systems so that all international adoptions, and really ALL adoptions are conducted within the parameters of international conventions and laws. He discussed the ways that children are ‘laundered” after being acquired by force, financially or via fraud. In some cases children are kidnapped, in some cases families are offered what seems to them like large sums of money at a time when they are very poor and struggling to feed themselves, and sometimes families are told their children will be in school or it will be just a temporary separation to help them out. These children are then given papers with some other story which presents them as orphans, and adopted to other countries. He discussed what he is beginning to understand about the Korean system, in terms of the tremendous pressure put on women to either have an abortion or relinquish their children, and the closed system of domestic adoption. He ended with a call for Korean adoptees to work to expose the unethical and possibly illegal practices of Korean adoption agencies, both in Korea and in their home countries, in particular with the adoption agencies in their home countries.

Overall, we learned a great deal about not only the areas of concern to us, but also about issues related to language, the struggle of adoptees who now live in Korea after growing up elsewhere, and aspects of artistic expressions that reflect the challenged identities and emerging reflections of adoptees who grew up in other countries, in primarily white families and cultures.

Talking about adoption and unwed moms

2010-08-02T19:12:00.007-04:00

Yesterday we had our jet propulsion packs on. The morning started with a great meeting with Professor David Smolin. Professor Smolin is an expert on ethical adoptions. He has been in S. Korea teaching a short course and will speak at the IKAA research forum today (Tuesday, 8/2). We had a lively exchange about the situation for unwed moms in S. Korea, how that relates to adoption practices, the Hague Convention and other related topics. As the large majority of babies adopted from S. Korea abroad are the children of unwed moms, we discussed the stories we have been told about women being pressured to relinquish their children in facilities run by adoption agencies and the heartbreaking stories of moms who had to fight to get their babies returned when they changed their minds just days after relinquishment.

Later in the day we spent time at the Duri Home unwed mothers facility. They also have a group home for moms and their babies. Women can enter the group home with children under 24 months and can stay for up to 3 years. This provides crucial help during an important transition period. However, there is only room for 8 moms and their babies in the group home. There are a number of such group homes around the country, but not enough for all the moms. Many moms live with friends and family when they can’t afford a place of their own. Precarious living situations add stress to moms' lives and thus to their babies early years as well.

After visiting the group home we returned to Duri Home for a great home-cooked meal with the moms in residence. Duri Home is a program of the Salvation Army in S. Korea. They plan to open a resale store soon, similar to ones in the US, with support from KUMSN and the Korea Foundation for Women. The store will sell used and donated new clothes and have a coffee shop. It will provide a place for a number of the moms to get work experience as well as a place to sell their craft and art work. We were able to hear from the mothers who will be in charge of the various new ventures. They are extremely committed to making the store a success. This is an exciting and much needed program. Duri home expects that with the help of some start up funds, the store can become self-sustaining within one year.

After twelve hours of stimulating conversation and encouraging site visits, it was time to go home and get some rest. Today we are off to the IKAA (International Korean Adoptees Associations) research conference.

A Sunday in Seoul with unwed moms, single moms and KUMSN volunteers

2010-08-01T07:48:00.006-04:00

We began the day with a lovely brunch for the KUMSN volunteers. Several of the volunteers tutor moms in English. One volunteer does art therapy with the mothers and with their children. Several volunteers help with translation and proof reading. It was very inspiring to hear how committed and thoughtful they are about wanting to help create change. The sincerity of the moms is an inspiration to all of us, including our excellent volunteers.

In the afternoon we had a ceremony with the Korean Foundation for Women to formally acknowledge the work KUMSN is doing with the Foundation. Dr. Cho is the President of the foundation and a thoughtful woman who is very supportive to the unwed moms and the work of KUMSN. After the more formal presentations, two groups shared their current work and plans for the rest of the year. The Miss Mama Mia group of unwed moms is transitioning into a more formal organization, the Korean Unwed Mothers Families Association (KUMFA). They are hard at work on many projects, including:

1. Providing counseling via email and phone and occasionally in person, to moms who are faced with difficulties regarding the choice to raise their children, or other child-raising issues.

2. Building the membership and involvement of new unwed moms.

3. Outreach to women in unwed mother facilities.

4. Working with journalists to help bring their stories to the wider society.

5. Working to make the government services currently available work better for moms and to increase the support the government provides for moms.

The Hanbumo (which means "single parent" in Korean) Association also shared their current work. The Hanbumo Association is a coalition of single mothers' organizations. Single mothers were married when they had children, but are now divorced or widowed. Korea had a huge increase in divorce in the late 1990s after the economic collapse and this high rate has continued. It has created huge social issues, since divorce used to be very uncommon. Like the unwed moms, the Hanbumo Assocation provides outreach and counseling to single mothers. They have ongoing street campaigns where they engage in street theater and hand out information to pedestrians about single mothers' issues. They are engaged in training and study to improve their own understanding of Korean society, to strengthen their own self-confidence, and to become better counselors. In addition they are working to improve their own internal structures and organization. They are all about empowering single mothers to make certain that government policy, laws, and social programs in Korea better serve all single parents.

After the initial presentations, there was a long and lively discussion during which both organizations shared experiences and developed ways they can support each other. As this was the first joint meeting, there was a lot to learn from each other about the work to improve the lives for all families, for all mothers and children. It was very exciting to listen to the exchange and imagine how they will work together.

We finished the day with a fantastic Korean meal with many of the participants. Among the delights was watching the little children run around so happily. It is painful to realize that without each others support and caring, these mother-child bonds might have been broken. It is such an honor and joy to be part of their support system.

Changes in the wind

2010-07-30T20:24:00.003-04:00

Dr. Boas is back in S. Korea. It is an exciting time to be here as there are significant changes taking place. There was a wonderful series of articles in the Yonhap newspaper, ( click here to reach the KUMSN website to read them), the government started a number of new programs for younger unwed moms in April, and most importantly more moms are coming forward to talk about their experiences and work for better services to meet their needs.
We started the day by flyng to Jeju Island for a whirlwind day. The Director of Aesanwon, an organization that serves unwed moms and their children, organized a round table workshop with presentations by Dr. Boas, Dr. Cheryl Mitchell (that was presented by Ellen Furnari, as Dr. Mitchell was unable to come on this trip), and Ms. Kwon. In addition there were presentations about the support for single mothers in Canada and in Denmark, as well presentations by unwed moms. Attendees included people from the provincial legislature and provincial and city offices. The program was made possible by a grant from the Community Chest of Jeju.
The presentations primarily focused on the services and experiences of unwed moms in other countries, sharing the breadth of support that many developed countries have, as well as the very diverse approaches and array of services between countries. The stories shared by the moms themselves, of their struggles and challenges, were both moving and clear testimony for continued changes in both government programs and social attitudes.
Moms and their babies who choose to live in facilities have a huge challenge when they must move out and in to communities. Often lacking the resources to rent an apartment, perhaps lacking work, feeling very vulnerable, often cut off from their families, facing social stigmatization and discrimination in the work place, it is a difficult time. While the government has increased supports available to younger moms under 24, it is estimated that 2/3 of unwed moms are older. There is much work still to be done.
We then had a fantastic meal with the participants of the roundtable, visited the Healthy Family Center in Jeju city and then visited Aesanwan itself. Located about 45 minutes outside of Jeju city, it is a fantastic center, very comfortable for the moms and babies, with many resources such as computers and sewing machines, so that moms can learn marketable skills while also learning to raise their children. Aesanwan also has a small group home, which we were unable to visit. We left thinking that it must be doubly hard to leave such a supportive facility, as it is clear the women feel safe and supported there, and face such challenges once they leave.
Stay tuned for our next updates.

Seoul February 2010 last post from home

2010-03-02T15:36:00.003-05:00

We are now home. The trip went by so fast and yet each day was very long, packed with learning and enjoying the company of so many dedicated and inspriring people. Along the way Dr. Boas, Ms. Kwon and some of the moms were interviewed for numerous articles and even a radio station. Just before we arrived some of the moms had been interviewed for a TV show which ran while we were there. There are links to many of the articles and reports on the KUMSN web site (for the English versions). Probably the biggest shift in our work, reflected in many was during this trip, is the activity of the moms themselves, via their own advocacy and own voices. This made us feel like we are working with moms rather then just on their behalf.

Some final highlights included a lengthy conversation with Ms. Park Young Mi, from KWAU who functions as an informal adviser to the Miss Mamamia organization of moms. She shared with us some very helpful insights in to the strengths and challenges facing their organization. We also visited the Kids and Future Foundation which provides support to Learning Centers in many parts of the country. These Learning Centers provide extracurricular activities for children whose families can't afford it otherwise, such as music and art, going to the movies and other fun things, and learning about how to manage their money as they get older. We hope that if one or more of the moms decide to start a learning center, they can partner with the Kids and Future Foundation to do so.

Our last day included a meeting with Dr. Kim and Dr. Lee from the Korean Women's Development Institute. Both have been engaged in valuable research on unwed moms in Korea for the last couple of years. Our discussion reflected the need to both increase government support for unwed moms AND the sharing of information about current government programs with moms. Many of the moms do not know much about what government programs they are currently eligible for, and so don't apply. This makes it appear that the funds set aside for such programs are not needed. We learned the government is planning an outreach effort that might include the creation of a web portal, to explain all the programs to the moms.

We left exhausted and inspired to continue raising visibility and support for the great work the moms and others are doing to improve the lives of unwed moms and their children, in S. Korea.

Seoul February 2010 take 3

2010-02-25T06:41:00.004-05:00

Days become like weeks and months, we meet so many wonderful people, in various organizations, concerned about moms, or hearing about unwed moms for the first time. It is amazing how much can be done in one day!

Continuing the saga from yesterday, some of the further highlights of our trip include.... we met with a team manager from one of the Seoul City Single Parent centers. They have a team that focuses in particular on supporting unwed moms. The center currently has about 30 unwed moms that come regularly to programs and for counseling and all and many more who come now and again. The center offers counseling, self help groups, some vocational training, cultural programs, and works hard to support moms self esteem. This program is less then a year old, and it is wonderful to see how quickly moms learn about this resource and get involved.

We visited the Anti Corruption and Civil Rights Commission. The division we visited investigates complaints under the ombudsman program, in social welfare and labor. They received complaints about adoption related issues, did a thorough investigation and published a strong set of recommendations relating to adoption but also support for unwed moms in November, 2009. We wanted to understand more about their work, and how they got interested in the issue. Their work is to follow up and investigate complaints relating to government actions and civil rights specifically in the fields of social welfare and labor. We had a good exchange of views and information with them, and they affirmed that if unwed moms have complaints about violations of their civil rights relating to social support and work, they would be happy to receive complaints. It is good to know there is such a strong recourse for moms and really for all Koreans.

One of the major highlights of this trip is the forum regarding social support for unwed moms, hosted by the Korean Women's Development Institute or KWDI. Papers were presented on the incomplete birth statistics in Korea which make it hard to know how many unwed moms there are; the painful impact for mothers of relinquishing a child for adoption; the experience of unwed moms who had to struggle to get their babies back from adoption agencies; and the results of research on the needs of unwed moms in Korea. After the papers were presented, there was a response from discussants, and then a general question and answer period. The papers and discussants came from KWDI, government, academia, journalism, NGO and unwed mothers themselves. The paper presented by an unwed mom about their struggles with adoption agencies was very well received. There were moms and their children in the audience as well. Everyone felt it was a great success, that it was the first time a number of important issues were addressed in such a serious forum. It was the first time one of the unwed moms spoke at this kind of forum as well. Many people remarked that even two years ago, this kind of forum could not take place. It is hard to describe how wonderful it was to be talking about unwed moms WITH unwed moms on the panel and in the audience. It is no longer talking about people when they are not there. It was a truly moving experience and rich food for thought in the presentations as well.

Seoul February 2010 take 2

2010-02-23T07:40:00.002-05:00

We continue to be very busy. It is such an honor and privilege to meet wonderful Koreans who care so deeply about unwed moms and the issues they face.

We had a lovely breakfast meeting with Ms. Lee Myong Sook, an attorney who has a special concern about women and children. When she became a lawyer about 20 years ago, she was one of 10 women lawyers in the whole country. She told us that now there are over 1,200 women lawyers. Things change quickly here. She is also the first woman to chair the Human Rights division of the Korean Bar Association. She has been working hard to develop a network of lawyers willing to work pro bono on human rights related cases. She expressed an sensitivity and concern about the adoption issues and unwed mom issues discussed and it seems she will be a good resource for unwed moms.

One of the highlights of our trip was spending the afternoon in a workshop with the Miss Mamamia groups. The Miss Mamamias are unwed moms who are raising their children. Currently there are over 40 active members and a much wider network of members and supporters. The workshop presented a lot of information about services available in the community and in particular related to group homes that serve unwed moms. While the moms engaged in discussion and questions and answers, their babies were being cared for by volunteers. After the meeting, the steering committee of the group went to dinner with us and of course brought along their babies. Such a beautiful experience, talking with moms while playing with their children who ranged in age from about 2 months to 4 years old. Each of these moms experienced significant pressure to have an abortion and/or to relinquish their child for adoption. Many of them have endured extreme hardships and painful struggles to raise their children. They are strong and dedicated women and moms and it was such a joy to spend an evening with them. Each of these mother/child families is precious and a testament to their determination to keep their family together.

The Miss Mamamias will be establishing a formal organization this year, registered with the Ministry of gender equality. While they have a more extensive strategic plan, their priorities for the year include: strengthening their organization and outreach to new members; improving public attitudes toward unwed moms; and healing the relationships with their parents, as many of the moms have been estranged from their own birth families. For this last area, they plan to have some group activities and counseling and a three generation camp.

We also visited Doori Home again, which is a group home for unwed pregnant moms, and affiliated with the S. Korean Salvation Army. Women who keep their babies can stay there for several months while they figure out jobs, where to live, and just generally get themselves situated to be a successful family of two. Doori home is working on ways to help these unwed moms get job training, save money, find more secure living, learn about parenting, and many other very supportive activities. It was a pleasure to see our friends there. Doori Home is hoping to open a store, similar to others the Salvation Army already operates, which sells both new and used clothing and household goods, and operates a coffee bar, appropriately named "Sally's Coffee". It will be a place that moms can work, get experience, and also sell crafts and other home made items.

Seoul February 2010

2010-02-22T07:37:00.004-05:00

We are happily back in Seoul. So many things are happening so quickly, it is an amazing testament to the capacity of Korean culture to change quickly.

One of our first visits was to the Korean Legal Aid Center for Family Relations, where we met with the President, Ms. Kwak. The center has been serving women and their children and families for many years. Much of their earlier work focused on issues such as domestic violence, divorce, and issues confronting seniors in Korea. They have seen a big change in the last ten years, with the dramatic increase in single moms and unwed moms raising their children. The rapid changes in family composition have been reflected in significant changes in a number of laws relating to families. For instance we learned that it is now possible for parents who divorce, or who were never married, to have shared or joint custody, rather then the previous system which granted custody to only one parent and which tended to favor the father. The Center is already a great resource for free legal services for unwed moms and they are committed to being available to support moms as needed. One of the ways they plan to support moms is to work for legislation that would require unwed fathers to help support their children in certain circumstances, even if they don’t have custody of the child. This would be a huge benefit to moms who have such difficult economic struggles.

We again visited the I/You/Us Center run by Aeranwon. This center served close to 300 women who were pregnant or raising their child alone via a crisis hot line, as well with ongoing counseling, concrete support such as helping with medical bills, rent, or other small, emergency financial supports, job training, a mentor program and generally being a place that unwed moms can come to feel connected and that there are people who care about them and their children. The center also facilitates popular self help groups, were moms are able to help each other out, share resources and hard won experience with newer moms, and generally build a supportive community for each other. It is wonderful to see the center growing and reaching ever more moms and their children.

Our visit to the Haja Center was exciting. The Haja Center is an alternative education center providing many kinds of educational experiences (http://2008.haja.net/en/ )for young people, emphasizing creativity and social change. They provide internships and job shadowing and support to develop social enterprise, and they serve a wide range of both younger and older people. We met with storytellers who help moms tell stories to their babies while still in the womb. We listened to one of the bands play an old John Denver song. We visited many different rooms full of the creative products of the people involved at the center. Our conversation with Profesor Cho Han Hae Joang, who founded the center helped us appreciate how committed they are to embracing the diversity of Korean people. We felt very hopeful that this could be a wonderful opportunity for some of the unwed moms to both learn new skills while developing renewed self esteem and confidence. There seem to be so many different opportunities for participants to explore different kinds of work and gain a better understanding of how they want to participate in the work world. We left hoping that by the time we return again in 6 months or so, that a number of moms will at least have visited and possible will have decided to join in some of the programs.

Our schedule is packed as usual and there will be more to report soon.

On further reflection

2009-09-13T10:39:00.000-04:00

Highlights from our recent visit:

It has been an amazing experience to be involved in the rapidly changing view of and supports for unwed mothers and their children in Korea. In the few short months since last I visited, there is now a vibrant and thoughtful group of mothers who are educating themselves and speaking out publically, excellent research on unwed mothers and public perceptions related to them has been published, programs such as AeRanWan have expanded their services into the community, the Hanbumo Support Center has expanded services and opened new facilities, the Government has asked for information about policies to support women and children, child support has been clarified, and the public seems increasingly aware of the value of supporting women and children from all walks of life.

For me personally, it was a great gift to reconnect with the wise and thoughtful people who had come to America for the first study tour in Vermont and New York. The fact that organizations were willing to support this learning experience seemed very important. It was exciting to watch as Korean researchers connected with American researchers, as practitioners shared experiences, as policy makers learned from one another and as parents shared their joy about the support they received to raise their children with people who were hoping to make the same opportunities available in Korea.

It would be very hard to pick out highlights from our most recent visit, but here is a short list:

Learning from a wonderful group of elementary school teachers when I had a chance to give a lecture on Multicultural issues at Sookmyung University .

Being part of the amazing presentation by the mothers group, now know as the Mama Mia group. Traveling across the beautiful countryside to Busan, and engaging with the dedicated people there from so many different agencies. Meeting staff from the Korean Human Rights Association. Being inspired about the future from the Korea foundation for Woman. Visiting the me You Us Center and the Doori Home. Talking with wise, knowledgeable reporters. And continuing to learn from the researchers at KWDI and the staff at KUMSN. Two especially personal highlights were meeting Betsy-Gay Kraft and her daughter Kristen and attending the Quaker Meeting in Seoul.

Dr. Cheryl Mitchell

further reflections on the August trip

2009-08-26T09:48:00.002-04:00

It was a privilege to meet with a representative of The National Human Rights Commission of Korea. Established in 2001, NHRC guards against unreasonable discrimination (due, for instance, to gender, religion, skin color or marital status), and helps create a socially conscious nation. NHRC agrees that the issue of unwed Korean moms is one of human rights, and we will be discussing with them best ways of effectively approaching the issue.

Korean Women's Development Institute (KWDI) has just published Reviewing Issues on Unwed Mothers' Welfare in Korea: Intercountry Adoption, Related Statistics and Welfare Policies in Developed Countries, and Korean Public Opinion Survey on Unwed Mothers and their Children. These much-needed studies (both of which may be found on our website) were funded by KUMSN, providing objective data and scholarly discussion to Korean academics, policymakers, legislators, media and the public, providing a great opportunity for change beneficial to the mothers and their children.

reflecting on the trip

2009-08-17T13:31:00.003-04:00

Our last day was an intense flurry of last meetings, back to back. We met with an artist who has created a beautiful piece regarding birth moms who relinquished their children, and a social work student who wants to study about the impact of social work counseling on unwed moms decisions to raise their children or not, and Dr. Boas had a final interview, did some work on our web site... and on. Then we ran for the bus to the airport and flew home.

Now, home and over jet lag we are reflecting on our trip. For all of us one of the main highlights was the meeting organized by unwed moms themselves. They are able to use the Seoul City Hanbumo Center to meet and discuss issues such as what kind of government support they may be eligible for and how to find jobs and the like. Eventually they plan to advocate directly for their needs. The energy in the room, as already written of in an earlier blog, was fantastic.

Another highlight was visiting the Me You Us center created by Aeranwon. Also mentioned in a previous blog, the number of women they are serving, with a very diverse range of services, after just 6 months of operation, is impressive.

Both of these stand out as they reflect two important changes. One is the readiness of unwed moms to become visible, to speak up for themselves. The other is the move of services to support moms while they live in communities. As there are so few places in group homes, most moms of necissity and probably to some degree choice, live with their parents, with friends, or in their own apartments. Community based, rather then shelter based, programs are essential for them.

Second to last day in Seoul, more meetings

2009-08-13T05:50:00.004-04:00

Such a surprise, more meetings!

The highlights of today were visiting the Ae Ran Wan "Me You Us" center and the National Human Rights Commission of Korea.

With support from KUMSN ARW started the first ( as far as we know) comprehensive, community based support center for unwed moms. (The government has since started several more affiliated with their family net program). In their first 6 months of operation they provided crisis counseling, small financial help to moms for medical care, job related expenses, housing and baby related expenses, parenting classes, helped moms finish school, learn how to search for jobs and then actually support them in the job search process, ongoing counseling, medical care, and organized and supported self help groups, all for the moms. In addition they shared training with a number of other organizations and have built a network they can refer moms to for various services. We were awed by how much they do, and how far they stretch their limited financial resources.

We asked Ms. Han, the warm and caring Director, what has been the most surprising thing so far, since opening the center. She said that it turns out they are in a great neighborhood, easily accessible to the moms, so that many moms have attended their programs or just dropped by they center. They have seen a quick increase in the amount of outreach and counseling they do and an increase in the parents attending parenting classes. When asked what is most challenging, she said that the social workers are overwhelmed and it is hard for them to work with so many people. Also, their space is too small for many of the programs they run, so they have to find other places to use.

Over all, we are just so impressed with the work the Me You Us center is doing for the moms.

The next stop was at the National Human Rights Commission. There we learned how the Commission works and the kinds of issues they address. They are concerned about discrimination and violation of human rights related to 20 areas of focus. Just a few are gender, race, religion, marital status, disability, mental health and age. They investiage individual cases and try to help the involved parties come to an agreement that respects human rights and Korean laws. They can make recommendations, review pending legistaion and initiate investigations. They do not have any enforcement powers however. We had a fruitful conversation about the rights of mothers to raise their own children, of children to be raised by their parents, of teens to finish school, of women to get health care, and to be safe from being fired or evicted based soley on their pregnancy or unmarried parent status. It is good to know about resources like this.

Another day in Seoul

2009-08-12T17:26:00.004-04:00

Yesterday we met with some of the Korean Women's Development Institute researchers, who are working on research related to unwed moms. KWDI has just released two important research studies. One examines the attitudes to unwed moms ( the research study is available on their web site and on the KUMSN website as well). Not surprisingly the attitudes are complex. We were pleased there was support for social welfare for unwed moms, even if it isn't a top priority, and saddened by the continued prejudices. The other research study examines the effects of international adoption on unwed moms, examines the national statistics regarding unwed moms and finally looks at comparative welfare supports from several countries. Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the national statistics is how much unknown or simply unclear, given how Korean births are registered. We deeply appreciate the professionalism and depth of these research studies which KUMSN funded.

In the afternoon we returned to the Seoul Hanbumo Support Center to discuss the parent child center model and in particular the alternative education program. At the Addison Parent Child Center there is a Learning Together Program that serves around 40 single parents a year, mostly young single moms. Everyone in the program does the following:
works in the childcare rooms taking care of babies in conjunction with professional staff
takes parenting classes
is working on the next step in their education ( tutoring, finishing high school, getting special supports, starting college)
participates in counseling - individual and/or group
attends group meetings of all participants.

While the parents engage in the program, their children are taken care of in high quality, early childhood education programs. This allows the parents to concentrate on their other work. Through these activities all parents learn good parenting skills. They advance in their education, which might mean finishing high school, getting their GED certificate, starting high school, or making progress in basic literacy and mathematics skills. As they progress they also engage in vocational training and eventually can do an internship and get help with finding a job. They have opportunities to work on emotional issues. They develop strong group bonds and help each other get through the challenging times, celebrate together their success, birthdays and other happy moments. Most moms after a year or two in this program will have completed high school and found a job.

The presentation was useful to the Hanbumo Support Center as they will be opening an alternative education program in September of this year - just next month. They are already offering some educational programs for the children of single parents and are able to offer not only the new education program but counseling, arts and crafts, and various other activities. The Hanbumo Support Center hosts the developing self advocacy organization of unwed moms. We are impressed with their facilities, and with their good thinking and plans for the future. The center is newly opened and we look forward to returning next trip to see how it is flourishing.

Unwed moms and single moms

2009-08-10T08:36:00.004-04:00

Today we took the very fast train from Seoul to Busan. There we had a great meeting with the Korean Hambumo Network regarding their work with "little moms" or unwed moms. In Korea, they make a distinction between single moms, who were married when they had children but are now single and unwed moms, who were not married when they had children. While there is significant discrimination against single moms it tends to be less then that directed toward unwed moms. In the late 1990s with the rapid increase in divorce, there was a corresponding rapid increase in single moms. Many of these women have worked hard to improve the government support for single parents, and are currently working to guarantee the right to health care, housing and vocational education for all single parents. This would clearly benefit unwed moms.

The Hambumo Network also has developed a training program to train volunteer counselors to work with unwed moms via an internet cafe, to teach about sex education and relationships and out of wedlock parenting, in high schools. They established an in internet community for unwed moms that currently has over 50 members. They are committed to continuing to both advocate for better government support and protection for all single parents, and to work specifically with unwed moms, to support them in the ways that they can.

The meeting was followed by another great workshop featuring Dr. Cheryl Mitchell. Dr. Mitchell gave several workshops when she was here with us last year. As one of the founders of the Addison Parent Child Center in Vermont, a former Deputy Secretary of the Agency of Human Services in Vermont, and currently an adjunct professor at the University of Vermont, Dr. Mitchell has a wealth of experience and knowledge to share about how comprehensive programs in the US support moms ( see earlier blogs about our study tour in Vermont). She can share knowledge about the kinds of programs needed, program design, funding sources, and a more general public policy analysis. The workshop was well received, with lots of questions being asked and a lively exchange.

At the end of a great day, we took the fast train home to Seoul.

Moms are organizing

2009-08-08T18:50:00.003-04:00

Saturday we started the day viewing a film about sexual violence in S. Korea. It was a documentary full of the stories of women who had experienced sexual violence at different ages and stages of life, and in various degrees of severity. As seems to be true in so many parts of the world, women are often blamed, often blame themselves, and/or freeze and are unable to defend themselves in their terror. The women in this film, however, are all doing things that indicate they are not just victims but survivors, that they are able to thrive in their lives, stand strong with each other, and while certainly intensely affected, the sexual violence does not define them.

We were inspired to think that sometime soon, there will be documentaries like this about unwed moms. Moms will tell their stories, will show the country how strong they are, what good moms they are, how despite very difficult challenges, they are able to work for changes in the legal and social service systems to better their lives.

And then we went to a meeting of a group of women who are unwed moms who are just beginning to form their own organization. They are learning about what it means to have an organization and run it. They are learning about many aspects of the current situation for unwed moms in terms of government supports, educational opportunities, child care, employment, etc. In the long run, they plan to advocate for better conditions for themselves and their children, and all the women and children like them, who are discriminated against because they were not married when they had a child.

The meeting was full of energy, commitment, caring, intelligence and wisdom. The moms ranged from a woman who is 8 months pregnant to a mom of a nine year old. The meeting also included some single moms, experts, journalists and the mother of one of the moms. It was such a privilege to be included. We have no doubt that this groups will grow, and will be successful in working for their own needs, while supporting each other through difficulties.

The topic of the day was governmental income support and housing support they might be eligible for. It was clear very quickly that there are many rules and regulations that are confusing and maybe even contradictory. The officials who implement the programs have a wide range of discretion, so much depends on the attitude of the official in the local office where moms apply for benefits. As in the US, if you start to earn money, you can loose all your benefits, so it is hard to transition from government support to self support. We were surprised to hear that the income and assets of many relatives are taken in consideration, not just the unwed mom's parents, in making a determination. Even if the woman is not supported in any way by these relatives, she can be denied benefits because the government assumes these relatives could support her. It helped us understand one of the reasons why there is a gap between the government programs available and the actual experience of many unwed moms of being unable to qualify for them.

The housing supports available sounded equally confusing. There are several different kinds of support available. In order to qualify, you are rated not only on income and need, but also if you do volunteer work or other positive things in the community. Again, there seems to be a lot of room for the government official's own judgment of who is deserving of support.

The women shared information on how they had applied, what information was needed, when they had been able to receive support and when not. It was clearly a group committed to helping each other out.

Overall we thought the good news is that there are a number of important government income and housing programs available. The challenge is to make them accessible to moms who need them. Moms need to be free of the discrimination made possible by the high level of individual discretion available to officials, and to be able to qualify based on their own situations, not that of their families. So many unwed moms have difficult relationships with their families and may even be estranged. And the government will need to look at how to make the transition from receiving benefits to self support more gradual. Lastly it was clear that there is insufficient governmental funds to make these supports available to all who apply. AGain, the local officials seem to be the one to decide who gets the limited resources. If the Korean people decides to support these moms and their children, there will need to be an increase in allocations and clear directive to qualify moms with their children.

Another thing that struck us was the way women are let go from work or removed from school when their pregnancy is apparent. And that their personal registration document, which must be shown when applying for a job, includes their status as unwed moms. This level of legal discrimination is a huge obstacle for these women. It reminded us of how far we have come in the US in making this kind of discrimination against women illegal. While it undoubtedly continues, it has dramatically decreased, given the legal protections for women and their children in the US.

Listening to the moms, we have complete confidence that they themselves will be able to educate government officials and legislators on their needs, very soon. We left thinking that in just a couple of years, these powerful women will have changed their world for the better.

We are in Seoul now

2009-08-07T05:08:00.002-04:00

What a busy month. A few weeks ago KUMSN hosted the study tour in the US. Now the US staff are here in Seoul. Amazing.

Today, August 7, 2009, we started the day with Dr. Cheryl Mitchell giving a lecture to elementary school teachers on teaching in multi cultural classrooms. Among many things, she shared the approach that can see multi cultural as not only including children who are literally different ethnicities, but also gender, income, abilities and disabilities, religion, etc. She challenged the teachers to think of ways that all children, and all parents of their students, can feel welcomed and validated in the classroom. She deftly wove in the implication that this includes the children of unwed moms, and the moms themselves.

The afternoon was spent at Doori House, a program of the Korean Salvation Army. Started in 1926 as a home for women, it became a program specifically for unwed moms in the 1990s. They provide housing, food, health care, vocational education, arts and crafts, music and art therapy, counseling and a wonderful, home like atmosphere that is very warm and welcoming. Truth in advertising..... they fed us delicious treats!

The program has seen a dramatic shift in just the last 4 years. In 2005 only 13% of the moms decided to raise their children, the rest opted to relinquish their babies for adoption. In 2008 53% of the moms chose to raise their children and they can tell that in 2009 that number will be even higher. This has huge implications for their program - women and their babies stay in the home longer and need different kinds of supports. In answer to this, they have opened a group home for moms and babies, where moms can stay for up to a year. They have a growing number of moms who have "graduated" from their program and are now part of an online community to stay in touch and support each other. THey see that they will need to expand their services to women living in the community.

There have been changes in the women they work with as well. The women today are older and have more education. Many of them were self supporting until they became visibly pregnant, when they then had trouble at work. While in earlier years many of the moms had babies "by mistake" because they missed the time when they could have had an abortion, many more women today are choosing to have and raise their children.

While the government supports some of the costs of the program, they must fundraise for the rest. They get support from the Community Chest of Korea, from the Salvation Army itself, and they get volunteers from various churches and companies. This program actively supports moms talking to people in the government to advocate for their own needs for improved government support. One of the critical needs we discussed was the need for more child care support, and for child care programs that run longer hours. Most working women need to have childcare after 6pm.

Overall it is a very impressive program and we were happy to be able to connect and look forward to staying in touch.

Study Tour finale

2009-07-27T12:39:00.002-04:00

Days Four and Five

The last days were so busy, there was no time to write. On day four we had a final meeting with the Addison Parent Child Center and talked about the importance of working together, how to use creative tension amongst various programs to produce better work with and for moms, and encouragement to keep checking with the moms about what they want and their opinions on various issues.

Then we visited the Lund Family Center. This was a particularly interesting place to visit as it began as a home for unwed moms in the the late 1890s. For the 80 years or so of existence, the primary services they provided were a home for pregnant women who needed a safe and invisible place to stay and give birth to their babies, and then an adoption service to place almost all of those babies, in new families. With changes in abortion law, welfare programs and major cultural shifts, by the 1980s the center was making big changes. Today the center offers residential programs for pregnant and parenting young moms and their babies, child care, education, substance abuse, foster family training and support, adoption, nutrition and so much more. They have just completed a remodel of their building and it is not only very beautiful, but clearly able to provide appropriate space for the current program.

We were treated to talk with Governor Madeline Kunin, former Governor of Vermont and the first (and only so far) woman governor in Vermont. She stressed with us the need to support women in all walks of life, to find their voices and participate in the political life of the community. Whether this is running for office or attending city council meetings or writing for the paper, women’s views are essential in creating a world that works better for moms. She is such an inspiration. She stressed that the intersection of poverty and single parent families is a huge issue and must be addressed with social supports, education for the parents and children, health care, housing and counseling where needed. She also stressed the role of good sex education in the schools for prevention.

Then we were off to the University of Vermont to learn more about the impact of early childhood education on the lives of vulnerable young children. High quality, early education clearly prevents much human suffering and saves the government a great deal of money. We had a chance to talk about special education in the school and a number of other topics related to supporting children with challenges.

That evening we flew to NYC.

The fifth day of our tour included visiting the UN building and meeting with a member of the Korean mission to the UN. We shared with her work that is being done in Korea for unwed moms and some thoughts about what still needs to be done. We met with the National Center for Children in Poverty and learned a lot about their research and the materials they make available for groups that advocate for the needs of children. They work in close cooperation with state governments and advocates and others concerned about creating effective, timely and affordable programs that support the best development and healthy outcomes for children who grow up in poor families. The breadth of the issues they address include income support, health, education, mental health, juvenile justice, and family laws.

All in all this was a fantastic study tour. Much was learned. We are looking forward to being in Seoul soon, to carry on discussions began on this trip, to share with others some of our learning and to continue to support those working in Korea on behalf of unwed moms and the moms themselves.

Day Three of the Study Tour

2009-07-22T20:40:00.004-04:00

Day Three

We started this morning again at the Addison Parent Child Center, answering a number of lingering questions. The staff at the Center have been extremely helpful, kind and so very knowledgeable. We learned more about how they nurture young moms toward independence, at the moms own pace. The definition they gave us of empowering moms is to provide the skills, support and knowledge so that moms have the resources to make choices for themselves and their children. They teach all sorts of skills, provide emotional, financial and practical support and information and education. Then the moms are in a much better place to make the decisions about what they do and how they do it. We have seen many examples of this in practice and found this a very useful definition.

Then we were off to the Washington County Parent Child Center. This center has a new, beautiful and highly functional child care center. And an older building that is mostly offices. Almost all of the work they do with families is out in the community, in moms’ homes, and various kinds of community centers. While their philosophy is similar to the Addison PC/C their implementation is quite different. It was good to see how programs can be constructed quite differently toward similar goals. We also learned about how they juggle many different funding streams and the related tension, in order to pay for their programs.

We then whisked off to the Vermont capital building in Montpelier to meet with people who had been advocating for children and families for many years. We learned how they had built a coalition and network of people from many different kinds of organizations, who have worked together over the years on shared agendas. They have learned how to tell compelling stories backed up with hard data and statistics. They can mobilize people who care and who are affected by issues, to bring to the legislature from many different districts. It is powerful when people from many different kinds of organizations and with many different concerns can speak together for a particular shared issue.

We also learned more about the parentage laws created in Vermont in the late 1980s. Until then, a parent who was never married had to file something called a bastardy action in order to get child support for and custody of their child. Now there are parentage laws that stipulate how judges review custody and set child support and other related issues. If a parent doesn’t pay the child support, there are ways the state can help collect it and can also impose penalties such as the loss of a drivers license. This has not only increased the financial support of children, but in many cases has increased fathers involvement with their children. We heard how this and other important advances such as the family court system, took a number of years to achieve. Like all big changes, it took the work of many people, from many different perspectives over about 8 years to accomplish.

We then were treated to a conversation with people from the Vermont Department of Children and Families. We came to understand that the people of Vermont truly believe that it is a societal obligation to help care for children, not just a private family concern. All of society benefits from healthy children and all pay for the problems of troubled youth and adults. We learned more about the many social supports that unwed moms might be eligible for, and how some of those systems work. Moms, depending on their income and other circumstances, might get a cash stipend – often called welfare; health insurance; support for child care if she is working or in school or job training; rental assistance so her rent is free or low cost; food stamps to help with food purchases; WIC (a federal program) that provides well children check ups, nutritional education and food, and other health related supports for mothers and very young children; help paying heating bills and the cost of a basic phone line; and possibly help with the cost of school, job training, and transportation. And there are possibly a few other benefits from other state departments. We heard how one of the weak links in this system is the availability of rental support. There are not enough apartments available and not enough subsidies, so that there is a real problem of homelessness for some families.

We ended the day with yet another lovely dinner, hosted by our friends looking out over Camels Hump Mountain, enjoying Korean food and home made pie. Such a hardship. Over great food we had some time to reflect on what we are learning and what it might mean for our Korean colleagues.

Day Two of the Study Tour

2009-07-22T08:24:00.003-04:00

Day Two of the Study Tour
Today we spent the whole day at the Addison County Parent Child Center . We had a chance to experience the family atmosphere of the place, from breakfast through dinner, we were enfolded in the warmth and caring of staff and participants. It is clear that this becomes a family place, quite literally, for participants and also staff.

We met with moms and one dad, who shared their stories of how the PC/C helped them finish school, make good decisions in their lives, find housing, get job training, learn about parenting and even learn Taikwando. We talked with staff about how they work with moms to co create programs. We could hear, see and feel how the program works to support moms in addressing all the issues in their lives. We even noticed the condoms in a basket in the bathroom – making it easy to access birth control without even having to ask!

We were honored to have a panel of highly skilled journalists share their experiences with us and brainstorm together about how the story of unwed moms in Korea, might get told. We learned a lot from them.

And we ended the day with a celebratory dinner with many of the families involved in the center, and other friends and family. It was a typical family gathering – children running around, adults holding babies so moms could get a bite of dinner, everyone admiring everyone else’s child, sharing stories, feeling at home.

While a similar Korean program would of course have many differences, we all had visions of various aspects of this program we would like to see in Korea. And of course there are already programs such as Aeranwon’s “Me, You, Us” program and the the new Hambumo Centers run by the government, that have started to offer some of these programs and which could be expanded. So much to learn.

KUMSN study tour in the US

2009-07-21T10:46:00.003-04:00

July 20th, 2009

The Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network has sponsored a study tour to the US. It started today. We are spending the first four days in Vermont, visiting the original Parent Child Center in Vermont – the Addison Parent Child Center, and a number of related organizations and efforts in Middlebury. Then we will visit two other Centers, meet with legislators, staff of the Agency of Human Services and others concerned about the well being of unwed mothers and their children. Finally we will fly to New York City to visit several programs there.

We started today with a discussion of why businesses are supporting services to single moms ( in the US we don’t distinguish why a woman is a single mom). Businesses believe that their success depends on a healthy economy which depends on a healthy community, which means that all residents need to be well educated, healthy, able to participate. They see that to accomplish this all children need reasonably good childhoods and education. And thus addressing the needs of single moms is important so they can provide this for their children.

One interesting aspect of the discussion had to do with how businesses can support women in the work place. Clearly one of the huge needs of single moms is to have employment that is sensitive to their need to care for their children if they get sick, or have a special event at school, or the like. Some businesses have done a much better job than others responding to the needs of women in the workforce. As one of the discussants said, her employer recognizes women bring hard work and talent to their workplaces, and does what they can to encourage their employment. A critical aspect of this is the availability of affordable, high quality day care.

We visited the Mary Johnson Childcare Center in Middlebury. This center serves about equal numbers of low income children whose tuition is paid for by the state, and well to do families who pay private tuition. One of the first things you notice about the center is how beautiful and well maintained it is. The Center believes that beauty is part of what children need. They have a constantly evolving curriculum, created between teachers and children. They serve a number of children with special needs, including physical and emotional disabilities. It was moving to see how much effort they make to communicate with parents the activities and development of their children. This center was developed to continue providing stimulating and nurturing childcare to the children from the Addison Parent Child Center, but has grown to be much more. This kind of child care is truly educational, built on the increasing understanding of how children’s brains and emotional selves develop. It is important for very young children who are in childcare all day to have stimulation, loving care, physical exercise, lots of play and good nutrition, in a very safe environment.

We then went to our first meeting at the Addison Parent Child Center. The center began as a program to serve teen mothers, but has evolved to serve the needs of many different kinds of families. While many of the parents served are single moms, they also work with single fathers and married couples. And of course they work with the children as well. PC/C provides parenting support, childcare, education and job training. They help parents address the challenges in their lives whether it be finishing high school or getting higher education, job training, learning to be a better parent, emotional support through counseling, and more. All parents spend some time working in the childcare rooms to learn about the needs of young children and how to best support their growth.

Interestingly we started with a panel discussion about the role of men and fathers, touching on the huge impact including men in childrearing has. The PC/C has found that men actively engaged in their children’s lives, even if no longer involved with the mothers, are much less likely to father more children. They come to appreciate and understand what it really means to bring new life in to the work and parent the child. We also learned more about the child support system in Vermont, and how parents are expected to financially support their children. Finally we heard from a legislator why he supported the expansion of this kind of program. He told us that for every dollar spent on programs like the PC/C, approximately $7 can be saved in the costs of incarceration, special education, health care costs, etc. The Parent Child Centers provide many services in one place, which makes it very accessible for parents and much more likely that they will get many of their needs met.

Finally we met some researchers. We learned that about ½ of pregnancies in the US are unplanned and not wanted or at least not wanted at this time. This contributes to abortion but also to complications such as low birth weight and maternal and infant mortality. One link is that because about 40-50% of lower income women don’t have health insurance , it can take several months before they know they are pregnant, and then sign up for and receive federally funded health coverage for their pregnancy. By then they are often in their fourth or even fifth month of pregnancy and a number of health related issues might have needed to be addressed early. We heard about the need to have conversations with young women of childbearing age concerning their pregnancy plans. Every health related visit can include the question – are you planning to get pregnant, and if not, how are you preventing it? Every woman, every time is the slogan for this approach .

After a long day, we were hosted to dinner on a Vermont sheep farm, and were treated to a beautiful sunset.

Tomorrow, more on parent child centers.

A look at the lives of unwed Korean mothers

2009-05-11T23:15:00.000-04:00

I had the pleasure, with Kimberly Hee Stock, a Korean adoptee from Delaware (who was with us at the KWDI Forum in March), of presenting A Look Today At the Lives of Unwed Korean Mothers: Where We Are and Where We Need to Go, at the IKAA Conference in New York, on April 17. Kimberly and I spoke based on our respective experiences, and our talks complemented one another well—hers from the perspective of an adoptee, and mine from that of an adoptive parent.

Kimberly came to appreciate the moms’ situation when she sat across the table from an unwed pregnant woman, holding hands with her, and my appreciation came from visiting a group of unwed women who had already agreed to relinquish their children to adoption.

Our individual presentations were followed by a brief conversation between us, after which a video was shown of two Korean moms—one who relinquished her child, the other who is raising her child—whom Rick interviewed last year. Audience questions were thoughtful—and challenging. One questioner wondered if presenting these women as victims does them a disservice—the sad answer is that Korean society effectively forces them into the position of relinquishing their children, or bringing them up under very difficult circumstances.

We weren’t sure how the audience would respond—after all, the situation of unwed Korean mothers is not something that adoptees generally think about. Gratifyingly, the presentation, made to an audience of some 30 people, made up mostly of adoptees, was received well.

Trip Highlights from Dr. Cheryl Mitchell

2009-04-06T12:26:00.001-04:00

Reflections on my visit to Korea.
Cheryl Mitchell

It was a most amazing experience to be invited to join Dr. Boas, Ellen Furnari, and the KUMSN staff for two weeks of visits and meetings in Seoul this spring. I was totally impressed by the diligence and thoughtfulness that so many people bring to helping improve the situation for unwed mothers and their children. It seemed as if everyone: practitioners, government officials, researchers, parents, women’s groups, the media, church members, and members of the community, wanted to make things better, and that everyone shared a vision of country in which all children were loved and cared for and all parents were respected.

There were so many things that seemed special and important to me that I can only list a few:

Meeting with mothers and hearing their life stories (whether they relinquished their babies or were raising them alone or with help) was clearly the high point. I was struck by how committed these young women were to helping develop a more supportive community, in ways that might not even benefit them directly. Their willingness to speak out publically struck me as both an act of courage and also an act of joy about the lives they hope will be possible for their children. And of course enjoying the delightful energy of the babies and toddlers was another high light. Being at Ae Ran Wan with the staff and parents made me feel as if I were back home at the Parent/Child Center in Vermont. The sense of love and possibility is so palpable.

It was also extremely impressive to me that the Governments (both National and Municipal) were taking such a thoughtful approach to crafting social policies that would really help young families. They were paying attention to child care, health care, continuing education for the mothers, relationships with the fathers and extended family, job opportunities, and ways to overcome the stigma. The level of research about these social policy issues seems very high and I was tremendously impressed by the researchers I met. Korea seems to value this research more that we sometimes do in the US and I applaud the great working relationships I saw between policy makers and academics.

Being on the panel for the KWDI Forum at the National Assembly was a truly thrilling opportunity for me. The chance to learn from other researchers, the thoughtful responses to my presentation, and the clear interest of government in this issue were all very heartening. I was so grateful to have had more time to get to know people in other settings, both formal and informal, and so grateful to Ms Kwon and Ms Shin who did such meticulous arranging and great translating. The chance to meet so many practitioners at the KUMSN training day was also a humbling and exciting experience. There is so much excellent work being done in Korea, and events such as this are just the beginning of people being learning from one another.

I was greatly impressed by the energy and effectiveness of the many groups and people we met with individually, from adoptees to labor to woman’s groups to private agencies. Korea is so fortunate to have this great convergence of energy, interest, knowledge and skill. It seemed as if dramatic social changes could well happen much more quickly here (as they did for technology or for growing the economy.) Walking into Nel Purin, for example, it was clear that Korea was taking a respectful and effective approach to helping prevent unintended pregnancy while other agencies were beginning to work just as effectively to help ensure that women who do get pregnant receive the support they need to effectively care for their babies.

I felt so grateful for the many opportunities to talk with the press, for how well prepared they were, and for the direct and important questions they asked. Since overcoming stigma does require a high level of public awareness, it was good to know that reporters were taking the time to really understand the situation.

There were a few things that surprised me. Prior to arriving, I had heard that the structures of a society very strongly influenced by Confucianism would be such that unwed mothers and their children could never be accepted. Yet many times I heard older men say “If it were my daughter in that situation, I would be understanding and helpful.” And many times I heard mothers who were raising their children say that their parents were now helping them. In the US, we frequently found that parents were very angry when they first learned their daughter was pregnant, and frequently would not allow her to live at home during her pregnancy, yet almost always, after the baby was born, the grand parent instinct seemed to kick in and there was usually a rapprochement. I also met unwed fathers in Korea who were concerned about their babies. So I think there is far more hope here of families supporting one another than I had expected to find.

It was also startling to learn that there is no required town and birth registry to serve as the basis for research about vital statistics. It made the good research even more impressive to me given the difficulty of obtaining information. The relative youth of the philanthropic sector was also a little surprising, but made up for in their openness to tackling challenging social issues.

It is obviously presumptuous to make any judgment based on such a short visit, yet I felt so confident that Korea will make major and significant advances in helping young families. I imagine that critical issues such as child care, education and job training for the parents, jobs paying living wages, and access to housing and health care, will be solved by Koreans faster and probably more elegantly and efficiently than we were able to do in the US.

In closing, it was an immense gift to be able to meet such wonderful and thoughtful people and to share a little bit in the amazing energy that seems to have gathered around young families with young children. I hope there will be further opportunities for us to learn from and with one another.

Trip Highlights from Hee Jong Kwon

2009-04-06T12:17:00.005-04:00

We can sing a rainbow
Testimonial Dinner of Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network

Hee Jung Kwon (project coordinator)

There were two big events to celebrate; one is that KUMSN officially started in September 2008, and the other is a KWDI forum at National Assembly in March 4, 2009. I had to spend quite some time giving thoughts that how it should be celebrated well during the time Dr. Boas, Ms. Furnari and Dr. Mitchell were visiting Korea.
An idea that hit my mind was having a reception after the KWDI forum. But the next question was who should be invited. Originally I planned to invite KWDI researchers and government officials since the goals of KWDI research are closely related to designing new possible policies for unwed mothers and their children. However, it didn’t turn out well. I found government officials are in the position of being neutral so that they were willing to attend the forum but not the reception.
After tossing and turning, I realized that people who voiced and worked for the benefits and rights of unwed moms in 2008 should be invited. So I sent invitations to them and, thank God, all of them replied me that they were happily to attend.
On the day of reception, there were Dr. Kim Hey Young, Dr. Lee Mi Jeong, and other associate researchers from KWDI who have carried out wonderful research on unwed mothers and their children.

And there was Ms. Han, Sang Soon, director of AeRanWon, who has passionately provided all the possible services for unwed moms and recently opened a community base center for unwed mothers. Reverend Kim Do Hyun from KoRoot also voiced for the rights of unwed mothers and their children in the middle of adoption debating field. Ms. Cho Kyu Young, a member of Seoul Metropolitan Council, raised a sharp question to the Mayor of Seoul. It brought a positive result that the Seoul City Government was able to secure a budget for the welfare of unwed moms and their children.
In 2008, there was a forum about unwed youth moms. Two main figures to make it happen were also at the reception, Ms. Park Sung Hae, a director of Neul Purun Center of Seoul Metropolitan Government and Professor Kim, Eun Young, who was in charge of the research.

The presidents of HANBUMO Network and UN Future Forum, Ms. Kwon Kyung Ae and Ms. Park, Young Sook were also there to celebrate the night. HANBUMO network, which has worked hard for the rights of Korean single moms, started to train volunteer counselors for “little moms.” UN Future Forum has helped unwed moms by providing goods and shelters for unwed moms. And books of unwed moms’ stories and successful cases of foreign countries in supporting single unwed moms were published by UN Future forum. A writer, Kimberly Hee Stock who struggled for finding the ‘greater truth in my adoption’ though a book, Origami Crane, also attended and chatted with the other guests.

While the people at the reception were enjoying meals and talks, I received text messages from Ms. Yoo, Kyung Hee, a board member of Korea Womenlink. She sent several messages that she could be late but the last one was that she couldn’t make it since her lecture finished too late. Korea Womenlink also carried out wonderful research and hosted a symposium for non-wed mothers. They wanted to create new identity by creating a new term, “non-wed mom.” This emphasizes a woman’s own decision that she can have a baby without marriage.

Even though we missed one, there were people from academy, politics, social welfare, and NGOs from different sectors of society. We know society cannot change by efforts from only one side. In that means, we had all. Like a rainbow, the variety of color will make our society better and beautiful. Red and yellow are different. And green are purple are also different. But we know the differences can make a beautiful rainbow.

I am dreaming that the day comes soon when unwed moms color themselves to be a part of that rainbow. And the day we sing together….

A rainbow of Testimonial Dinner

Trip Highlings from Ellen Furnari

2009-04-06T12:14:00.001-04:00

Ellen Furnari

Consultant

In our recent trip to Seoul (Feb/March, 2009) we were able to meet with representatives from Korean Womenlink. This is an organization founded in 1987 that advocates for women’s rights in terms of labor, education, participation in public life such as running for public office, and for the acceptance of many kinds of family structures.

We have been working with the Hambumo network – a national organization of single moms, for two years now. So I was happily surprised to learn that this network grew, in large part, out of the work of Korean Womenlink. For a number of years they have had public education campaigns, advocated for better legislation and government policy and helped single moms come together to support themselves.

About two years ago, Korean Womnelink decided that there was a critical need to address the situation of unwed mothers. They recognized that while unwed moms share some of the same circumstances as single moms, they also face many different challenges. So they initiated research last year as a precursor to action. This is one of the many things, by the way, that really impresses us working in Korea. So often both government and NPO’s do research in to a situation or area of concern, before doing public education or advocacy or providing services. They are very thoughtful about understanding deeply before planning and acting. And the role of researchers and professors is very important in this regard.

This year was to be year two of their project. However, the funding from the government for this work had increasing requirements attached and they decided to decline the second year of funding. The funding was to begin a public education campaign about the situation and needs of unwed moms. I hope we can find a way to help them pursue this anyway.

It is so refreshing to talk with people who have on their own, before even meeting us or hearing of our work, recognized the needs of unwed moms and decided to do something about it. It was also just enjoyable to be in their offices. When we asked questions that the senior staff with whom we were meeting couldn’t answer, they would go out and talk with the younger women and come back with various opinions and answers. There was such a sense of mutuality and cooperation. I just really enjoyed our visit and hope to work with them in the future on our shared interests.

To share a bit more, here is how Korean Womenlink describe themselves in their material: (see link below for their website)

Korean Womenlink has 10 local branches and about thousand members who actively participate in building a just and egalitarian society.

A world without domestic violence and sexual violence.
A society with an open family culture that accepts various family forms.
A society where women's sexuality and self-determination is repected.
A society where women's labor rights and equal employment are protected.
An open media, a media for the public! Eco-feminism based on life and women's perspective.
Alternative life-style movement:
A Little, a Few and Slowly Co-operative community movement to monitor environmental and life-related issues.

http://www.womenlink.or.kr/eng/eng_intro.php

Trip highlight from Yoonkyung Shin, Program Associate

2009-04-06T11:59:00.005-04:00

Yoonkyung Shin
Program Associate

The director and consultants of Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network (hereafter KUMSN) visited Seoul from late February to early March. Dr. Richard Boas (founder/director), Ms. Ellen Furnari and Dr. Cheryl Mitchell had actively participated to several ground meetings and public forums that were focused addressing the issue of Korean unwed mothers and their children.

Feb 24, 2009 KUMSN had participated to an informal gathering at Ko-Root with four of adoptee organizations (Ko-Root, GOAL, ASK, and TRACK) that serve for the needs of returning Korean adoptee. There were also a birth father, who had been looking for his son so hard at that time, and Mr. Hwang Pilgyu, a Korean human rights lawyer. Rev. Kim Do Hyun, Ko-Root representative, prepared nice breakfast for all of us and people were able to freely discuss about the various, the most current issues which are related to Korean unwed mothers, adoptee and birth parents. Personally, it was an interesting meeting of all, because the fact that birthparents, adoptee, and adoptive father had been involved in learning and discussing about the issue which affect their lives and, as far as I learnt so far, it does not happen often. There are many people who neither realize the facts that the unwed mother issue is highly correlated to the issue of intercountry adoption nor validate the relationships that the birthparents, the adoptee, and the adoptive parent have. However, at the Ko-Root meeting, those three persons (that consist of ICA) and their supporters (staff of organization) gathered listening and learning to each other and wished the best for each other. I felt it was meaningful. ,

I would like to introduce more about the birth father who attended the gathering at Ko-Root and love to share his recent news in his family. Searching for their son was a difficult journey for him and his wife. About a year ago, they had already agreed on relinquishing their baby for domestic adoption and the baby had already been sent to Korean adoptive parents (by the way, back then she was his girlfriend but they legally married after she gave a birth). Soon the birthparents realized that the choice was not made in the best condition with appropriate counseling, wanted to take their baby back from the adoption agency but the request was rejected. They had attempted variety of means of searching for their son. They did news paper interviews, uneasy negotiations with adoption agency staff, and attend to a number of related events (attending Ko-Root breakfast meeting was the one of the chances that he could appeal to public asking help). Now their son is with the birthparents and we all were exited about the wonderful news.

Another, there is good news right after KUMSN trip ended. On March 8, a day before the World Women’s day, the popular news programs of Korea TV stations had dealt with the unwed mother issue on the prime time. It begun with Arirang TV News and the other was SBS 8 News. KUMSN had actually influenced on both TV interviews directly and indirectly; Dr. Boas and Dr. Cheryl Mitchell had interviewed with Arirang TV reporter at the Ae-Ran-Won’s new community center and at the KWDI public forum. A child-rearing mother and Dr. Lee Mi Jeong, a KWDI research fellow, had an interview with SBS TV team. During the news, they focused on the current change in Korean society; giving birth and raising children out of wedlock is no more needed to be in shady spot and ignored. There are more women who choose to keep their children and the public perception towards unwed mothers has been shifting slowly, accepting the current change. However, there is still lack of government support, and the issue of the social stigma is challenging for the unwed mothers. That news introduced the KWDI forum and its research outcome as well.

One might consider this as a fine sign for the unwed moms and their children; Korean unwed mother issue is getting more public attention in Korean society. I hope the issue would continue to be maintaining on the public agenda so it would lead Korea to find its own best solution. I hope Korea would become more mature society that is willing to give a “second chance” to those brave women who choose to raise their children by themselves. Thank you.

You could watch the Arirang TV News and SBS News segment (it is in Korean language) below:

www.arirang.co.kr/News/News_View.asp?nseq=88225&code=Ne6&category=7

news.sbs.co.kr/section_news/news_read.jsp?news_id=N1000556514

A trip highlight from Dr. Boas

2009-04-06T11:55:00.002-04:00

From Rick Boas:

What a delight it has been to know and work with Dr. Mitchell! She has vast knowledge, experience and expertise in planning, setting up and running parent/child centers in Vermont, also served for ten years as the state’s Deputy Secretary, Agency of Human Services. So it was significant that she could join us—as presenter, discussant, and advisor.

On February 26, Dr. Mitchell presented an all-day workshop, attended by 100 (including social workers, unwed moms, representatives of adoption agencies), Supporting Unwed Mothers and Their Children: Challenges, Strategies, and Benefits to Mother, Child and Community.KWDI

It was a great opportunity for the attendees to hear from someone who understands the situation of unwed mothers and their children, and has set up successful programs to serve them (a model now used in other states). The workshop provided a springboard for those in attendance to improve services for unwed moms and their children, in ways that will work in a Korean context.

On March 4, the Korean Women’s Development Institute (KWDI) held its 52nd Women’s Policy Forum, Improving Attitudes Toward Unwed Mothers and Promoting Support,
at the National Assembly, sponsored by KUMSN. The room was full, approximately 20 legislators attended, and proceedings were broadcast live on TV. Moderated by Prof. Nam Soon Huh, Hallym University, presenters included Drs. Hyeyoung Kim and Mijeong Lee of KWDI, Prof.Yunkyu Ryu, Seoul Theological University, and
Dr. Mitchell. One of the discussants was Dr. Hyeseon Kim, Ministry of Health and Welfare, who is taking an increasing interest in the situation of unwed moms. I was very moved to know that the issue of unwed mothers and their children is gaining visibility, and is being taken more seriously.

In addition to seeing him at several meetings (including the Forum), it was a real pleasure to have dinner with Rev. Do Hyun Kim, director of KoRoot (which provides housing and assistance to returned adoptees). Rev. Kim, who is passionate, articulate, candid and unafraid, is one of the only men in Korea speaking strongly on behalf of unwed mothers and their children (and openly critical of adoption agency practices). He is a man of integrity, truly inspiring. He is a supporter, friend, and a real asset to the cause of the moms.

Sixth trip to Korea February/March 2009

2009-04-06T11:51:00.001-04:00

From Richard S. Boas, MD, Founder and Director, Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network

Two and a half years ago, on my first trip to Korea, I was suddenly and deeply moved by the plight of unwed mothers there—especially that of my own daughter’s natural mother, years before. My response was to establish the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network. I am so gratified that, after a relatively short time, we are truly making progress toward improving the situation of these mothers and their children. There is a real commitment—from academia, policymakers, legislators, organizations directly serving the mothers, advocacy organizations—and the moms themselves, to providing a brighter future for these women and their children, so that they become equal, productive members of Korean society. What an opportunity for Korea to do well by them!

The sixth—and most recent—trip, in late February/early March, was particularly rewarding, as the unwed mom issue is gaining traction. We met with a lot of individuals, organizations, sponsored a workshop and a major forum, and held several interviews. What follows is a series of reflections by my staff, by Dr. Cheryl Mitchell, Research Professor, University of Vermont, who accompanied us, and by myself, about what we felt were the most significant parts of our wonderful trip.

National Adoption Month

2008-11-23T04:46:00.000-05:00

November is National Adoption Awareness Month in the United States. As an adoptive father, I am celebrating with the simple every day activity of enjoying my daughter launch herself into the world. My wife and I adopted her from Korea 20 years ago. It’s immensely satisfying for parents to see their children blossom.

Adoption is something I am thinking about this month in a different way, in light of my work as founder of the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network. The network, based in South Korea and the US, is focused on respectfully raising issues, supporting resources and organizations that help unwed mothers in Korea so they have the ability to decide for themselves what to do about their unborn child. In Korea 70% of unmarried pregnant women give their children up for adoption. The US figure is 2%.

Too many South Korean women give up their babies because of social and economic pressure to do so. Unwed mothers are often shunned by society — even by their own families — and get little support from the government.

We are focused on what is best for mother and child. In some cases, adoption is the best option. In others, it may be the only option. But today, our hope is that increasingly, Korean women can have a choice whether or not to keep their babies, just as they do in other advanced nations. They need the information and support (especially from the their families) to make a choice in the first place.

Especially during National Adoption Awareness Month, it felt important to me that these birthmothers- and their plight- are not forgotten.

Dr. Boas' letter to NYTimes in response

2008-10-25T03:29:00.001-04:00

October 18, 2008

Letter

Korea and Adoptions

To the Editor:

Re “Korea Aims to End the Stigma of Adoption and Stop ‘Exporting’ Babies” (news article, Oct. 9):

That South Korea is working to encourage adoption within its own country is laudable. But even if South Koreans become more accepting of adoptive families, that will not address the underlying issue: the societal prejudice against unwed mothers and their children.

Too many South Korean women give up their babies because they feel social and economic pressure to do so. Unwed mothers are often shunned by society — even by their own families — and get little support from the government. Seventy percent of unmarried South Korean women give up their children for adoption.

South Korea is a wealthy democracy. Women there should have a choice whether or not to keep their babies, just as they do in other advanced nations. They need support; when they receive that support, Korean society will ultimately benefit.

If a woman chooses not to keep and raise her baby, domestic adoption should be readily available. That South Koreans have started to openly discuss the issue is a positive step, but it is only the beginning.

Richard S. Boas
Wilton, Conn., Oct. 13, 2008

The writer, an adoptive father of a daughter born to an unwed South Korean mother, is the founder of the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/18/opinion/lweb18korea.html

New York Times article on adoption in Korea

2008-10-25T03:19:00.001-04:00

From the New York Times

October 9, 2008

Korea Aims to End Stigma of Adoption and Stop ‘Exporting’ Babies

By NORIMITSU ONISHI

SEOUL, South Korea — Daunted by the stigma surrounding adoption here, Cho Joong-bae and Kim In-soon delayed expanding their family for years. When they finally did six years ago, Mr. Cho chose to tell his elderly parents that the child was the result of an affair, rather than admit she was adopted.

“My parents later died believing that I’d had an affair,” said Mr. Cho, 48, a civil engineer who has since adopted a second daughter.

Now, with South Korea becoming more accepting of adoptive families, Mr. Cho and Ms. Kim feel they can be more open, with relatives and nonrelatives alike. Ms. Kim, 49, attributed the change partly to the growth of other nontraditional families, like those headed by single parents or including foreign spouses.

“We feel attitudes have changed,” she said.

Just how much, though, is the critical question as the South Korean government is pushing aggressively to increase adoptions by South Koreans and decrease what officials consider the shameful act of sending babies overseas for adoption. Since the 1950s, tens of thousands of South Korean children have been adopted by foreigners, mostly Americans, because of South Koreans’ traditional emphasis on family bloodlines and reluctance to adopt.

more...... http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/09/world/asia/09adopt.html?ei=5070&emc=eta1

Hankyoreh News Article by Choi Won Hyung

2008-07-28T22:58:00.005-04:00

(Translated from the original Korean by Hankyoreh News)



Hankyoreh News May 2, 2008	Choi Won Hyung

Three years ago, Kim Kyung Eun (27 years old, an assumed name) became pregnant unexpectedly out of marriage. Her mother was telling to Kim whether Kim could have an abortion surgery or possibly give up her baby for adoption. However, Kim claimed to her mother that “I am going to raise my child. “ After hearing Kim, Kim’s mother turned her back on her daughter with saying “then our relationship is over from now on.” Kim’s baby’s biological father also had been gave no help to Kim and her baby. Friends suggested the abortion surgery or adoption with saying “How could you raise your child by your own? “ After all, Kim gave a birth alone, and immediately all the trials that people predicted came close to her. The first trial was financial difficulty. As she couldn’t go to work with child, so she didn’t have any income and the expenses of hospital and living were running out her savings. As she didn’t have place to stay, she stayed at various friends’ houses with the baby and had to eat instant noodle almost everyday. The second trial was lack of information. Kim had to do some research to figure out how to bathe and to feed a baby as she had no clue first time. For instance, Kim once made a mistake that she fed her child with diarrhea powder milk as it was relatively cheaper that normal powder milk. Kim told that “ it is most difficult fact that I have to do everything on my own.” Added “Don’t you think it is more important fact that we, unwed mothers are also parent, not we accidentally gave a birth our children? Because of strong prejudice towards unwed moms, we abandoned by our own family, and not able to stand in our society ”

Since last year, Kim picked out a location in Ae-Ran Mother and Baby’s home, a group home for single parent families located in Hongjedong Seodaemungu, Seoul. This is a social facility for single mother and their child that supports services like residence, vocational training, and so on for one year period. Now, Kim goes to private culinary institute to achieve a chef’s certificate. But Kim showed an unsatisfied feeling by saying. “There are many unwed child-rearing mothers who wish to reside in this group home; I would need to live after 1 year period. I hope I could stay here about three years so that I can be prepared well to become a self-sufficient. “

What she wants is to have a place like the group home in order to lean on until she would get a stable job and save some money to live with her child.

This January, Lee Su Kyung (22 years old, an assumed name) have a birth at Ae-Ran-Won. Lee actually has an experience of abortion when she was 20 years old. “At that time, I took the abortion surgery for granted.” However, Lee decided to give a birth when she found out her pregnancy last year, felt constantly sorry to the baby she did aborted two years ago. Even people that she knows suggested giving up her child for adoption though, she was not willing to do it. “It imposed heavy burden to me as I am young, and there are certain things that I have to achieve. Also raising a child as single mother seems such a responsibility however, I couldn’t give up my child with all those reasons. At this time, she is preparing to live with her child together. Becoming a scalp controller (hairdresser) is Lee’s goal at this point so that she goes to private beauty institution in order to achieve hair designer’ certificate first. During daytime when Lee studies at the institution, daycare center in the facility takes care of her child. Lee set her plan to first enter the group home to live with her child, and get a job and save her income for one year period. Lee said with smile “I feel desolated as I don’t know what future would be like but I am encouraged by looking my child’s face. “

■ Chose adoption because raising child is challenging

Jeong Na Ri ( 20 years old, an assumed name) gave a birth last March. At that time, she was 19 years old. She chose to give her baby for adoption as she has no courage to raise the baby. Jeong told, “I had been also thought about bring up the baby by myself, but my future is uncertain and there is no way that my parent could support me and my child even though I let them know about all this. I concluded it is the best decision for the baby to be raised by a good adoptive parent as well as for me.” She added “My financial ability is such a problem, and I found it is very difficult to decide to deal with people’s judgments and prejudice towards to my baby who has no a daddy.” Jeong also told that she is preparing to pass the qualification examination for graduation high school now as she want to be not shameful mother when her child might find a birth mother in the future. According to Jeong, “For most of unwed mothers, either decision-raising children or giving up for adoption is not easy decision to make. Before unwed mothers make decision, they distinguish right and wrong many times, in terms of the circumstances they are at.”

2. Government only support to unwed mother with 50,000 krw as the expense of raising child. Only three mothers out of ten “I would raise my child.”
Government, nongovernmental support situation.


Hankyoreh News	Choi Won Hyung

Richard Boas (59, physician) who live in Connecticut, USA, had adopted his daughter, Esther, in 1988. He wanted to know more about Esther’s home land, so visited S. Korea in 2006. At that time, he was able to visit an aid facility for unwed mothers, and surprised by the fact that unwed mothers who want to raise their children but chose to give their children for adoption as there are lack of social support towards unwed mothers. Boas was funding International adoption for people until that time, but he has been worried to help for Korean unwed mothers to raise their children by themselves. He established (a fund at) Give2Asia foundation (www.give2asia.org) began to support to the aid facilities of unwed mothers in Korea.

Gradually choice of Korean unwed mothers is changing. Korea’s adoption case in 2001 were total 4206 cases but it decreased (to) 2652 cases in 2007. Current survey to unwed mothers also shows unwed mothers responded as “I, parent/family or birth father would raise my child” has increased from 24.8% in 2006 to 32.5% in 2007. Unwed mothers who decide to become raise their children are increasing today.

Swim (given) the current tendency, Korean government amended from the Mother-Father-Child Act to Hanbumo support law (Single family support law). According to the law, it had changed the target of recipients that from the unwed mother aid facility to unwed child-rearing mother and child aid facility, and clarifying Korean government’s support towards to child rearing. And it became legal basis of operating the group home for child-rearing unwed mother and child. This group home supports unwed mother can stay with her child for one year. Also an aid facility for unwed child-rearing father and child opened first time in Incheon in 2007.

Holt Children’s Service Inc. that has known for its support program of promoting adoption operates unwed mother group home since 2006, and would open unwed mother support center at Masan in this May. This center is entrusted by Kyongnam province. Hong Mi Kyung, director of PR department of Holt, told “We would help unwed mothers to have various choices not only adoption, but also raising their children by themselves.”

Nevertheless, substantial supports are still not enough. Government aid only 50,000 krw to single parent who raise under 8 years’ old children. For the residue, other supports of the expenses of vocational training are given only to single father and single mother who (officially) enter in aid facility. There is no statistics of single father and single mother as well. Han Sang Soon, director of Ae-Ran-Won, claimed that “unwed mothers who are out of aid facilities are easy to fall in crisis situation.” There is a call for structuring backup system for unwed mothers in community so that they also could access to the services like vocational training assistance.

Eliminating social prejudice towards single parent is another task that needs to be solved together with enlarging support system. Lee Mi Jeong, KWDI researcher, told “There is social prejudice that pregnancy out of wedlock is bad incident not an accident in Korea. Because of the prejudice in our society, unwed mother became alienated form society and family, chose abortion or adoption. Social recognition should expand that raising our children is our responsibility.”

■ Interview with Richard Boas (USA) who supports Korean unwed mothers

Mr. Richard Boas clearly made his opinions and impressions about Korean unwed mothers and their children through documentary interview with .

　 How did I come to support unwed Korean birthmothers?

In 1988, my wife and I adopted our daughter, Esther, who was born in Pusan. We already had two children, and were unable to conceive a third child. We decided to adopt from Korea, since we understood that children, especially girls, who were born to unmarried mothers there faced a difficult life.

Esther was three and a half months old when we adopted her. Esther’s birthmother was a 24 year-old unmarried factory worker, who worked until the seventh month of her pregnancy. Her relationship with the birthfather was brief, and when she realized she was pregnant, did not know how to contact him. She did not tell her family of her pregnancy, and government aid was not available to her. With her savings depleted and without any other means of support, she made the difficult decision to give up her child.

While raising Esther, now 20, Katherine, 27, and Benjamin, 24, I was working as an ophthalmologist specializing in glaucoma, a disease which causes blind areas in the field of vision and, uncontrolled, leads to blindness. My work was hugely satisfying, yet after being in practice for many years, I wanted to take my life in a different direction.

In 2005, I became involved in international adoption in a different way, after learning that many local families could not adopt due to steep and rising costs. I was especially moved by their desire to adopt special needs children. Being truly grateful to Family and Children’s Agency in Connecticut and Social Welfare Society in Seoul, for bringing us our child, I wanted to be able to help other families do what we had done.

I began meeting with other adoptive parents in my area, and together we started The Adoption Foundation at Family and Children’s Agency. It was truly gratifying to sit on a committee which reviewed applications from families, and make grants that would allow these families to adopt. During my time with the Foundation, we aided about fifteen families.

As I had not yet been to Korea, and wanted to do everything I could to promote our work, I asked to join the staff from FCA on their trip to Korea in October 2006, at my expense.

The trip changed me. What I found out eventually led to a sharp change in the direction of my work.

I was not prepared for my reaction to holding infants in a nursery, meeting special needs children, and visiting sick children in the hospital. These children were orphans, relinquished by their unmarried mothers. However, I was deeply impressed upon meeting a dozen young women in a Social Welfare Society facility in Daegu. The women were approximately 18-24 years old, all were unmarried, all were pregnant, and every single one of these mothers had already agreed to give up her child. Esther’s birthmother could have been one of these women, and Esther could have been one of these children.

I had been a strong supporter of international adoption. Yet these encounters affected me profoundly. I realized that I had been blind to the possible negative effects of adoption, especially international adoption, on birthmother and child. Is giving up one’s child truly necessary? More importantly, isn’t it the right of any loving, capable birthmother to bring up her child, if she chooses, not just in Korea, but anywhere in the world?

I returned asking How can I, as an adoptive parent and physician, help so that the best interests of unmarried Korean birthmothers and the children born to them are met? If a woman chooses to keep and raise her child, how can I help increase the likelihood that this will happen? Should birthmothers need to place their children for adoption, how may I further help them, and the facilities where these unwed mothers and their newborn children live? If Esther had been born last week, what would be the right thing to do?

I learned that over 2000 children are adopted from Korea each year, and another 2000 are adopted domestically. 70% of unmarried Korean birthmothers give up their children; the US figure is 2%. That’s a huge difference. I asked Why isn’t Korea, the world’s 11th largest economy, helping its own? Shouldn’t it be doing everything it can to minimize overseas adoption (and domestic adoption) by maximizing the chances that a woman can keep and raise her baby? Don’t these brave women deserve all the help they can get?

Deeply moved, I abandoned the pro-international adoption foundation that I helped to start, and turned my attention to raising the visibility of the difficult situation of unmarried Korean birthmothers and their children, in the hope that Koreans would positively address the issue.

What do I think of the unwed mother situation in Korea? Evaluation as a foreigner. Comparison with US.

I see it as unfortunate, difficult, and very much needing attention, as a pressing women’s and children’s rights issue.

If a woman keeps and raises her child, she and her child endure social stigma, alienation from her family and lack of government support. If a woman gives up her child to adoption (usually the case), she is faced with the guilt and shame that will stay with her for the rest of her life. Korean society and government only minimally address the situation. I love my daughter, and as grateful as I am that Esther came into my life, it pains me to see any woman give up her child because government and people are not willing to support her, just as Esther’s birthmother was forced to give up Esther.

In the US and Scandinavian countries, among others, discrimination against unmarried mothers is virtually nonexistent, and social support systems are readily available.

Mira Lee, Director of Domestic Adoption Department, Social Welfare Society, points out that, rather than emulate other countries’ support systems, Koreans must focus on addressing the prejudice against unmarried mothers. I would agree, adding that the Korean people and government have a wonderful opportunity to do well by these mothers and their children, and support them in whatever way possible.

(Welfare Systems for Unmarried Mothers in Advanced Countries and Korea, SWS Bulletin 2006)

Support (by) Dr. Boas (through) Give2Asia

It has given me great meaning to support several organizations advocating for unwed and single mothers, and providing direct service, including Ae Ran Won, Korean Womens Workers Association, Korean Women’s Assocations United and Hanbumo/Single Mothers Network. Grants have been made through San Francisco-based Give2Asia, which has researched grant proposals and followed up on reports from recipients.

What needs to be done for unwed Korean moms, to reduce the rate of ICA?

I believe several factors must be addressed here.

First, unwanted pregnancies need to be prevented in the first place. Korea needs to seriously address sex education—and society’s bias against it—of boys as well as girls. Many unwed mothers will have a second pregnancy, so that intervention/education after the first pregnancy is important.

Unmarried pregnant women need counseling and resources that will help them make the best decisions for themselves and their babies. They also need the time and freedom to make these important decisions. For those women who wish to keep and raise their babies (and increase the likelihood that they will keep their children), appropriate support needs to be available: Education, job training, babysitting, housing assistance, medical and education assistance, childrearing resources. Women, regardless of marital status or whether they have children, must be treated equally in the workplace. Frequently, if a woman tells a job interviewer she has a child, she will not be given the job. If she tells the interviewer she has no children, she is more likely to get the job.

The validity of unmarried women raising their children in Korea needs to be emphasized. Women’s advocacy groups are already raising the visibility of this issue.

The number of homes (only 16 in all of Korea) for unwed mothers needs to be increased, through government funding, and ongoing resources need to be made available. In contrast, there are four large agencies involved in intercountry adoption. This is significant, in that there are many overseas families wishing to adopt, and agencies wishing to help them. This may be in the best interests of the adoptive families and the agencies themselves, but the focus needs to be on what is best for mother and child.

Recently, much attention has been focused on domestic adoption, as an alternative to intercountry adoption, with financial incentives for adopting couples. While domestic adoption is preferable to ICA in most cases, I would strongly argue that a mother raising her child is generally best for the child, mother and society, that this be encouraged, and support be provided.

In addressing the situation of unmarried mothers and their children, Korean families have the opportunity to maintain ties with their daughters and their children, for the ultimate benefit of all.

Korea has the world’s lowest birthrate, and the risk of a population decline is real. Efforts to deal with this situation by increasing the holding period for infants destined for ICA (5 months), and encouraging domestic adoption, do not address the cause of the problem, that of mothers giving up children. Simply, more mothers keeping children equals fewer adoptions—and fewer children leaving the country.

Anything I would like to tell the Korean government, media and Korean National Assembly?

These birthmothers and their children are Korean too, and these mothers love their children as much as any mother does, anywhere. The economic and social price—compared to these mothers giving up their children, is relatively small. It is in the best interest of a developed society, such as Korea, that cares about its children, to support them in whatever way possible, and give them the prospect of a bright future. It is important for me to help make this issue more visible, and promote discussion, even debate, in the hope that it is positively and effectively addressed. However, though my daughter was born in Korea, and I care deeply about unwed mothers and their children, I am not Korean. This is clearly a matter for Korean society and government to pursue, and they have a wonderful opportunity to do so.

(English translation provided by Hankyoreh News)

Dr. Boas' presentation at KAAN 2008. A true story

2008-07-28T18:53:00.003-04:00

KAAN 2008

Adoptive Dad Supports Unwed Korean Moms

Rick Boas

A true story, not an uncommon one, from Korea:

Kyung Ae (an assumed name), an unmarried factory worker from Pusan, met Su Cheo, when he was on military leave. Both were 24. Their relationship was brief. When Kyung Ae realized she was pregnant, she didn’t know how to contact Su Cheo. Kyung Ae didn’t tell her family of her pregnancy, and worked until she was seven months pregnant. With her family unaware, no available government aid, her savings depleted, and no other means of support, Kyung Ae made the difficult decision to give up her child. It’s unclear when she decided, but I am sure the circumstances of the delivery and birth played a part as well: Eun Sil Han was born at 34 weeks, a breech delivery, was cyanotic, with neonatal respiratory distress syndrome. She spent her first month in the hospital, on IV antibiotics, before going to live with a foster family.

In a social worker’s words: The mother “… had no ability of child upbringing as an unmarried girl both financially and socially and released this child to our Pusan Branch for the child’s better future through adoption.”

That child came to us at age 3 ½ months and became our daughter. My wife and I already had two children, and were unable to conceive a third. We decided to adopt from Korea, since we understood that children, especially girls, who were born to unmarried mothers there faced a difficult life. And Korea and the US had the world’s best developed system of intercountry adoption, or ICA. I had the sense of rescuing a child from an uncertain, probably dismal future, and giving her a better life in the US.

And life for Esther, now 20, a rising college junior and psychology major, has been very good. It’s especially exciting to watch her grow into young adulthood, and start to “launch” herself.

While raising Esther, and my two other children, Katherine, now 27, and Benjamin, 24, I was working as an ophthalmologist specializing in glaucoma, a disease which causes blind areas in the field of vision and, uncontrolled, leads to blindness. My work was hugely satisfying, yet after being in practice for many years, I felt a need to take my life in a different direction. In the midst of a life on overdrive, I was also aware of a sense of being upset about something that I did not understand—and realized that I had this feeling for a long time.

In 2005, I became involved in international adoption in a different way. I learned that many local families could not adopt due to steep and rising costs. I was especially moved by their desire to adopt special needs children, as well as siblings of children already adopted. Being truly grateful to Family and Children’s Agency in Connecticut (FCA) and Social Welfare Society in Seoul (SWS), for bringing us our child, I wanted to be able to help other families do what we had done. How could I not? These kids all needed loving families!

I began meeting with other adoptive parents in my area, and together we started The Adoption Foundation at FCA. It was truly gratifying to sit on a committee that reviewed applications from families, and make grants that would allow these families to adopt. During my time with the Foundation, we aided about fifteen families.

As I had not yet been to Korea, and wanted to do everything I could to promote our work, I asked to join the staff from FCA on their trip to Korea in October 2006, at my expense.

The trip changed me. What I found out turned me completely around.

Even before the “official” part of my trip, I went mountain hiking (Korea is 70% mountains, and I love to hike). Well, this day was a hiking day for hundreds of middle grade school kids as well, and as we passed one another, saying “hello” and high-fiving, I thought, My daughter would not have been in this group of well-dressed, happy kids, had she stayed in Korea. As I say, you never know what you’ll find out on the trail.

A couple of days later, in Seoul, I was not prepared for my reaction to holding infants (some as young as four days) in a nursery. I didn’t understand how I would feel meeting special needs children, visiting sick children in the hospital, and seeing a three month-old boy and his foster mom. These children were all orphans, relinquished by their unmarried mothers. But what really got to me was meeting a dozen young women in an SWS facility in Daegu. The women were approximately 18-24 years old, all were unmarried, all were pregnant, and every single one of these mothers had already agreed to give up her child. At that moment, I realized that, 20 years ago, Esther’s mother was one of these women, and Esther was one of these orphans.

I had been a strong supporter of international adoption. Yet these encounters affected me profoundly. I realized I had been blind to the circumstances of unwed Korean mothers, their children and families, and the possible negative effects of adoption, especially international adoption, on birthmother and child. Seventy percent of unmarried Korean mothers give up their children. The US figure is two percent. Why the disparity in Korea? Is this truly necessary? More importantly, isn’t it the right of any loving, capable mother to bring up her child, if she chooses, not just in Korea, but anywhere in the world? These dozen women, and Young Ja before them, whom I had every reason to believe were as loving any other mother, had painfully relinquished their children. Effectively, they had no choice.

I returned to Connecticut and, with my thinking sharply changed, asked: How can I, an adoptive parent, help so that the best interests of unmarried Korean mothers and the children born to them are met? If a woman chooses to keep and raise her child, how can I help increase the likelihood that she will be able to do this? Should mothers need to place their children for adoption, how may I further help them? If Esther had been born last week, what would have been the right thing to do for her and her mother?

Some 2000 children are adopted from Korea each year, and another 2000 are adopted domestically. ICA, from Korea, started over 50 years ago as a valid response to the needs of war orphans and children fathered by American servicemen. ICA continues for completely different reasons. Even though some overseas adoption may always be necessary, why isn’t Korea, now the world’s 13^th largest economy, helping its own? Why isn’t it doing everything it can to help unmarried women keep and raise their children? These brave women deserve all the help they can get!

Shortly after I returned home, I found myself reading, wide-eyed, a blog written by Marie Myung Ok Lee, who teaches creative writing at Brown University. Marie, author of Somebody’s Daughter, studied unmarried Korean birthmothers in 1997, on a Fulbright Fellowship. The blog’s entry, from May 2006, was entitled How Working With Unmarried Korean Birth Mothers Colored My Ideas About Adoption. In it Marie described her experience with moms at Ae Ran Won Unmarried Mothers Home in Seoul. She wrote two “equations:”

1. The usual adoption “equation” is Family + Adopted Korean Child = Happy Family

2. The truly honest “equation” is Family + Adopted Korean Child = Happy Family +

(Korean Birthmother – Her Child)

My jaw dropped. I had encountered my own blind spot in Korea, and here was someone articulating what I had just begun to see. I knew then the reason for my unsettled feeling all these years. I had not recognized or validated the woman who gave birth to my child, nor the relationship between them. I began to understand why I, like others, had found it difficult to be aware of the reality of unwed mothers—anywhere. It’s hard to wrap your mind around adoption and the mom at the same time.

Stunned, I abandoned the pro-international adoption foundation I helped to start. Instead, I began to shine my flashlight on unwed Korean birthmothers and their children. My hope was that I could do something to help Koreans to positively address the issue. And I was about to repeat something I had started years ago when entering medical practice: Identifying blind spots and dealing with them.

If an unwed Korean woman keeps and raises her child, both usually endure social stigma, hostility, alienation from her family, and lack of government support. She is told that since she created her problem, she must solve it, alone. If a woman gives up her child to adoption (usually the case), she is faced with the guilt and shame that will stay with her for the rest of her life. I love my daughter, and as grateful as I am that Esther came into my life, it pains me to see any woman give up her child because government and people are not willing to support her, just as Young Ja was forced to give up Eun Sil. Though I have met Koreans who feel guilty about not taking care of their own, most try to ignore the issue. They are largely guided by Confucian thinking which stresses blood lineage, and the stigma against unmarried mothers and their children. Current public policy supports this stigma. When babies are adopted overseas, Koreans don’t have to deal with an unpleasant situation, the government doesn’t need to provide for these children (and their mothers), so the matter goes largely unaddressed.

I believe the following need to be addressed, so more moms keep and raise their kids:

Unmarried pregnant women need counseling and resources that will help them make the best decisions for themselves and their babies. Women wishing to keep and raise their babies need: Education, job training, babysitting, housing assistance, medical and education assistance, childrearing resources.

Women need to be able to make these decisions in a safe environment, free from pressure to relinquish their children. Adoption agency incentives to relinquish, such as free medical care, should be abolished.
Women, regardless of marital status or whether they have children, must be treated equally in the workplace.
The validity of unmarried Korean women raising their children needs to be emphasized, throughout Korean society and government. Women’s advocacy groups are already raising visibility of the issue. Others can help, too, and need to step forward and do so.
A mother raising her child is generally best for the child, mother and society, although ICA may be in the best interests of families wishing to adopt, and the agencies themselves. This must be emphasized, and support be provided. More mothers keeping and raising their children equals fewer adoptions.
In cases where adoption is desired, ensure that the needs and wishes of the birthmother and child are paramount, and provide a means to encourage domestic adoptions, rather than ICA. Currently, the Korean government promotes domestic adoption by requiring a five-month holding period for infants, provides financial incentives for prospective parents, and pressures agencies to limit ICA—usually after a round of criticism of Korea as sending large numbers of children overseas. In all of these, the symptoms of the problem are addressed, rather than the underlying cause.
Prevention of unwanted pregnancy: Korea needs to seriously address sex education—and society’s bias against it—of boys as well as girls. There is always a man involved. Many unwed mothers will have a second pregnancy. Intervention/education after the first pregnancy is essential.
Scholarly research is needed on the demographics of these mothers and children, as well as society’s attitude toward them. This is a necessary prerequisite to advocating any social change —to government, opinion makers and the public.

Though my daughter was born in Korea, and I care deeply about unwed mothers and their children, obviously I am not Korean. This is clearly a matter for Korean society and government to pursue. Mothers everywhere love their children, just as Young Ja loved Eun Sil—and I hope still does. The personal, social and economic price--compared to these mothers giving up their children--is relatively small. It is in the best interest of a developed society, such as Korea, that cares about its children, to support them in whatever way possible, and give them the prospect of a bright future. It is important for me to help make this issue more visible, educate, explain, suggest, promote discussion, even debate, and serve as a resource, in the hope that it is positively and effectively addressed—in Korea and the US. Korea has a wonderful opportunity to embrace these birthmothers and their children. They are Korean too, and part of Korea’s future.

Korean Unwed Moms Support Network Mission

2008-07-28T18:46:00.003-04:00

MISSION STATEMENT:

The Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network advocates for the rights of unwed pregnant women, unwed mothers and their children in Korea. The Network’s goal is to enable Korean women to have sufficient resources and support to keep their babies if they choose, and thrive in Korean society, rather than feel compelled to give up their children for adoption or risk a life of poverty.

Founded by Dr. Richard Boas, an American father who adopted a Korean daughter twenty years ago, the Network’s primary focus is on raising awareness in Korea and amongst Korean groups in the US to effect positive change. The Network works to educate, inform and promote discussion about the difficulties facing unwed mothers and their children in Korea in order to elevate their economic, political and social potential in society.