Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Some thoughts from Evelyn Robinson

Evelyn is a relatively new friend of KUMSN and she has shared some thoughts with us, as a mother who lost her son to adoption in Scotland in 1970. She later moved to Australia and has been active in supporting moms who have lost children to adoption and advocating for better policies in there. She shared some thoughts with us. Read on.....

I first became involved with adoption in 1970, when I gave birth to my first son. I was told by many people that I should allow him to be adopted, because it would provide the best possible future for him - and isn’t that what every parent wants for their child?

Attitudes to single parenthood have changed enormously in countries like Britain and Australia since my son was born, which is one reason why those who want children are now looking to obtain them from further afield, in countries like Korea. Mothers in other countries are now being pressured the way I and many other unmarried mothers were, to allow their children to be adopted, because it will, supposedly, provide them with the best outcomes.

I was reunited with my son in 1991 and by that time I had become involved with other mothers who had also been separated from their children by adoption. I found enormous relief in finally being able to spend time with women who really understood what I had been through, because they had been through the same sort of experience. I am delighted to learn that groups now exist in Korea, to support mothers who have lost children to adoption.

My early experiences of support groups for mothers were extremely positive. These experiences led me to explore the ways in which mothers whose children had been adopted could be assisted and could assist themselves. Over the last twenty years, I have helped literally thousands of mothers around the world.

However, as time has passed, I have, unfortunately, witnessed a negative side to some of these groups. It has saddened me enormously to watch some of them self-destruct, as they lost focus and fell into the hands of people who were sometimes power-hungry, ruthless and/or dishonest.
To those members of mothers’ groups in Korea now, I should like to warn you to care for each other and for your groups and try to ensure that your groups remain healthy.

My primary focus has always been on assisting those who have experienced adoption separation to understand their experience, to acknowledge their loss and to manage their grief. I should also like to suggest that you encourage anyone who has been separated from a family member by adoption to take responsibility for their own well-being, just in case there ever comes a time when a group is no longer available to meet their needs.


Von said...

What excellent advice from Evelyn in that last paragraph!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry this is out of context but I cannot find a way to send email or contact the KUMSN directly.

I want to suggest a 'DONATE' button on your website. I came across the NYTimes article from 2009 and wanted to assist in some small way and send the awareness out to friends, but I was frustrated at a lack of way to make a monetary donation.