Seoul February 2010 take 3

Days become like weeks and months, we meet so many wonderful people, in various organizations, concerned about moms, or hearing about unwed moms for the first time. It is amazing how much can be done in one day!

Continuing the saga from yesterday, some of the further highlights of our trip include.... we met with a team manager from one of the Seoul City Single Parent centers. They have a team that focuses in particular on supporting unwed moms. The center currently has about 30 unwed moms that come regularly to programs and for counseling and all and many more who come now and again. The center offers counseling, self help groups, some vocational training, cultural programs, and works hard to support moms self esteem. This program is less then a year old, and it is wonderful to see how quickly moms learn about this resource and get involved.

We visited the Anti Corruption and Civil Rights Commission. The division we visited investigates complaints under the ombudsman program, in social welfare and labor. They received complaints about adoption related issues, did a thorough investigation and published a strong set of recommendations relating to adoption but also support for unwed moms in November, 2009. We wanted to understand more about their work, and how they got interested in the issue. Their work is to follow up and investigate complaints relating to government actions and civil rights specifically in the fields of social welfare and labor. We had a good exchange of views and information with them, and they affirmed that if unwed moms have complaints about violations of their civil rights relating to social support and work, they would be happy to receive complaints. It is good to know there is such a strong recourse for moms and really for all Koreans.

One of the major highlights of this trip is the forum regarding social support for unwed moms, hosted by the Korean Women's Development Institute or KWDI. Papers were presented on the incomplete birth statistics in Korea which make it hard to know how many unwed moms there are; the painful impact for mothers of relinquishing a child for adoption; the experience of unwed moms who had to struggle to get their babies back from adoption agencies; and the results of research on the needs of unwed moms in Korea. After the papers were presented, there was a response from discussants, and then a general question and answer period. The papers and discussants came from KWDI, government, academia, journalism, NGO and unwed mothers themselves. The paper presented by an unwed mom about their struggles with adoption agencies was very well received. There were moms and their children in the audience as well. Everyone felt it was a great success, that it was the first time a number of important issues were addressed in such a serious forum. It was the first time one of the unwed moms spoke at this kind of forum as well. Many people remarked that even two years ago, this kind of forum could not take place. It is hard to describe how wonderful it was to be talking about unwed moms WITH unwed moms on the panel and in the audience. It is no longer talking about people when they are not there. It was a truly moving experience and rich food for thought in the presentations as well.

Study Tour finale

Days Four and Five

The last days were so busy, there was no time to write. On day four we had a final meeting with the Addison Parent Child Center and talked about the importance of working together, how to use creative tension amongst various programs to produce better work with and for moms, and encouragement to keep checking with the moms about what they want and their opinions on various issues.

Then we visited the Lund Family Center. This was a particularly interesting place to visit as it began as a home for unwed moms in the the late 1890s. For the 80 years or so of existence, the primary services they provided were a home for pregnant women who needed a safe and invisible place to stay and give birth to their babies, and then an adoption service to place almost all of those babies, in new families. With changes in abortion law, welfare programs and major cultural shifts, by the 1980s the center was making big changes. Today the center offers residential programs for pregnant and parenting young moms and their babies, child care, education, substance abuse, foster family training and support, adoption, nutrition and so much more. They have just completed a remodel of their building and it is not only very beautiful, but clearly able to provide appropriate space for the current program.

We were treated to talk with Governor Madeline Kunin, former Governor of Vermont and the first (and only so far) woman governor in Vermont. She stressed with us the need to support women in all walks of life, to find their voices and participate in the political life of the community. Whether this is running for office or attending city council meetings or writing for the paper, women’s views are essential in creating a world that works better for moms. She is such an inspiration. She stressed that the intersection of poverty and single parent families is a huge issue and must be addressed with social supports, education for the parents and children, health care, housing and counseling where needed. She also stressed the role of good sex education in the schools for prevention.

Then we were off to the University of Vermont to learn more about the impact of early childhood education on the lives of vulnerable young children. High quality, early education clearly prevents much human suffering and saves the government a great deal of money. We had a chance to talk about special education in the school and a number of other topics related to supporting children with challenges.

That evening we flew to NYC.

The fifth day of our tour included visiting the UN building and meeting with a member of the Korean mission to the UN. We shared with her work that is being done in Korea for unwed moms and some thoughts about what still needs to be done. We met with the National Center for Children in Poverty and learned a lot about their research and the materials they make available for groups that advocate for the needs of children. They work in close cooperation with state governments and advocates and others concerned about creating effective, timely and affordable programs that support the best development and healthy outcomes for children who grow up in poor families. The breadth of the issues they address include income support, health, education, mental health, juvenile justice, and family laws.

All in all this was a fantastic study tour. Much was learned. We are looking forward to being in Seoul soon, to carry on discussions began on this trip, to share with others some of our learning and to continue to support those working in Korea on behalf of unwed moms and the moms themselves.

KUMSN study tour in the US

July 20th, 2009

The Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network has sponsored a study tour to the US. It started today. We are spending the first four days in Vermont, visiting the original Parent Child Center in Vermont – the Addison Parent Child Center, and a number of related organizations and efforts in Middlebury. Then we will visit two other Centers, meet with legislators, staff of the Agency of Human Services and others concerned about the well being of unwed mothers and their children. Finally we will fly to New York City to visit several programs there.

We started today with a discussion of why businesses are supporting services to single moms ( in the US we don’t distinguish why a woman is a single mom). Businesses believe that their success depends on a healthy economy which depends on a healthy community, which means that all residents need to be well educated, healthy, able to participate. They see that to accomplish this all children need reasonably good childhoods and education. And thus addressing the needs of single moms is important so they can provide this for their children.

One interesting aspect of the discussion had to do with how businesses can support women in the work place. Clearly one of the huge needs of single moms is to have employment that is sensitive to their need to care for their children if they get sick, or have a special event at school, or the like. Some businesses have done a much better job than others responding to the needs of women in the workforce. As one of the discussants said, her employer recognizes women bring hard work and talent to their workplaces, and does what they can to encourage their employment. A critical aspect of this is the availability of affordable, high quality day care.

We visited the Mary Johnson Childcare Center in Middlebury. This center serves about equal numbers of low income children whose tuition is paid for by the state, and well to do families who pay private tuition. One of the first things you notice about the center is how beautiful and well maintained it is. The Center believes that beauty is part of what children need. They have a constantly evolving curriculum, created between teachers and children. They serve a number of children with special needs, including physical and emotional disabilities. It was moving to see how much effort they make to communicate with parents the activities and development of their children. This center was developed to continue providing stimulating and nurturing childcare to the children from the Addison Parent Child Center, but has grown to be much more. This kind of child care is truly educational, built on the increasing understanding of how children’s brains and emotional selves develop. It is important for very young children who are in childcare all day to have stimulation, loving care, physical exercise, lots of play and good nutrition, in a very safe environment.

We then went to our first meeting at the Addison Parent Child Center. The center began as a program to serve teen mothers, but has evolved to serve the needs of many different kinds of families. While many of the parents served are single moms, they also work with single fathers and married couples. And of course they work with the children as well. PC/C provides parenting support, childcare, education and job training. They help parents address the challenges in their lives whether it be finishing high school or getting higher education, job training, learning to be a better parent, emotional support through counseling, and more. All parents spend some time working in the childcare rooms to learn about the needs of young children and how to best support their growth.

Interestingly we started with a panel discussion about the role of men and fathers, touching on the huge impact including men in childrearing has. The PC/C has found that men actively engaged in their children’s lives, even if no longer involved with the mothers, are much less likely to father more children. They come to appreciate and understand what it really means to bring new life in to the work and parent the child. We also learned more about the child support system in Vermont, and how parents are expected to financially support their children. Finally we heard from a legislator why he supported the expansion of this kind of program. He told us that for every dollar spent on programs like the PC/C, approximately $7 can be saved in the costs of incarceration, special education, health care costs, etc. The Parent Child Centers provide many services in one place, which makes it very accessible for parents and much more likely that they will get many of their needs met.

Finally we met some researchers. We learned that about ½ of pregnancies in the US are unplanned and not wanted or at least not wanted at this time. This contributes to abortion but also to complications such as low birth weight and maternal and infant mortality. One link is that because about 40-50% of lower income women don’t have health insurance , it can take several months before they know they are pregnant, and then sign up for and receive federally funded health coverage for their pregnancy. By then they are often in their fourth or even fifth month of pregnancy and a number of health related issues might have needed to be addressed early. We heard about the need to have conversations with young women of childbearing age concerning their pregnancy plans. Every health related visit can include the question – are you planning to get pregnant, and if not, how are you preventing it? Every woman, every time is the slogan for this approach .

After a long day, we were hosted to dinner on a Vermont sheep farm, and were treated to a beautiful sunset.

Tomorrow, more on parent child centers.

A look at the lives of unwed Korean mothers

I had the pleasure, with Kimberly Hee Stock, a Korean adoptee from Delaware (who was with us at the KWDI Forum in March), of presenting A Look Today At the Lives of Unwed Korean Mothers: Where We Are and Where We Need to Go, at the IKAA Conference in New York, on April 17. Kimberly and I spoke based on our respective experiences, and our talks complemented one another well—hers from the perspective of an adoptee, and mine from that of an adoptive parent.

Kimberly came to appreciate the moms’ situation when she sat across the table from an unwed pregnant woman, holding hands with her, and my appreciation came from visiting a group of unwed women who had already agreed to relinquish their children to adoption.

Our individual presentations were followed by a brief conversation between us, after which a video was shown of two Korean moms—one who relinquished her child, the other who is raising her child—whom Rick interviewed last year. Audience questions were thoughtful—and challenging. One questioner wondered if presenting these women as victims does them a disservice—the sad answer is that Korean society effectively forces them into the position of relinquishing their children, or bringing them up under very difficult circumstances.

We weren’t sure how the audience would respond—after all, the situation of unwed Korean mothers is not something that adoptees generally think about. Gratifyingly, the presentation, made to an audience of some 30 people, made up mostly of adoptees, was received well.

Trip Highlights from Dr. Cheryl Mitchell

Reflections on my visit to Korea.
Cheryl Mitchell

It was a most amazing experience to be invited to join Dr. Boas, Ellen Furnari, and the KUMSN staff for two weeks of visits and meetings in Seoul this spring. I was totally impressed by the diligence and thoughtfulness that so many people bring to helping improve the situation for unwed mothers and their children. It seemed as if everyone: practitioners, government officials, researchers, parents, women’s groups, the media, church members, and members of the community, wanted to make things better, and that everyone shared a vision of country in which all children were loved and cared for and all parents were respected.

There were so many things that seemed special and important to me that I can only list a few:

Meeting with mothers and hearing their life stories (whether they relinquished their babies or were raising them alone or with help) was clearly the high point. I was struck by how committed these young women were to helping develop a more supportive community, in ways that might not even benefit them directly. Their willingness to speak out publically struck me as both an act of courage and also an act of joy about the lives they hope will be possible for their children. And of course enjoying the delightful energy of the babies and toddlers was another high light. Being at Ae Ran Wan with the staff and parents made me feel as if I were back home at the Parent/Child Center in Vermont. The sense of love and possibility is so palpable.

It was also extremely impressive to me that the Governments (both National and Municipal) were taking such a thoughtful approach to crafting social policies that would really help young families. They were paying attention to child care, health care, continuing education for the mothers, relationships with the fathers and extended family, job opportunities, and ways to overcome the stigma. The level of research about these social policy issues seems very high and I was tremendously impressed by the researchers I met. Korea seems to value this research more that we sometimes do in the US and I applaud the great working relationships I saw between policy makers and academics.

Being on the panel for the KWDI Forum at the National Assembly was a truly thrilling opportunity for me. The chance to learn from other researchers, the thoughtful responses to my presentation, and the clear interest of government in this issue were all very heartening. I was so grateful to have had more time to get to know people in other settings, both formal and informal, and so grateful to Ms Kwon and Ms Shin who did such meticulous arranging and great translating. The chance to meet so many practitioners at the KUMSN training day was also a humbling and exciting experience. There is so much excellent work being done in Korea, and events such as this are just the beginning of people being learning from one another.

I was greatly impressed by the energy and effectiveness of the many groups and people we met with individually, from adoptees to labor to woman’s groups to private agencies. Korea is so fortunate to have this great convergence of energy, interest, knowledge and skill. It seemed as if dramatic social changes could well happen much more quickly here (as they did for technology or for growing the economy.) Walking into Nel Purin, for example, it was clear that Korea was taking a respectful and effective approach to helping prevent unintended pregnancy while other agencies were beginning to work just as effectively to help ensure that women who do get pregnant receive the support they need to effectively care for their babies.

I felt so grateful for the many opportunities to talk with the press, for how well prepared they were, and for the direct and important questions they asked. Since overcoming stigma does require a high level of public awareness, it was good to know that reporters were taking the time to really understand the situation.

There were a few things that surprised me. Prior to arriving, I had heard that the structures of a society very strongly influenced by Confucianism would be such that unwed mothers and their children could never be accepted. Yet many times I heard older men say “If it were my daughter in that situation, I would be understanding and helpful.” And many times I heard mothers who were raising their children say that their parents were now helping them. In the US, we frequently found that parents were very angry when they first learned their daughter was pregnant, and frequently would not allow her to live at home during her pregnancy, yet almost always, after the baby was born, the grand parent instinct seemed to kick in and there was usually a rapprochement. I also met unwed fathers in Korea who were concerned about their babies. So I think there is far more hope here of families supporting one another than I had expected to find.

It was also startling to learn that there is no required town and birth registry to serve as the basis for research about vital statistics. It made the good research even more impressive to me given the difficulty of obtaining information. The relative youth of the philanthropic sector was also a little surprising, but made up for in their openness to tackling challenging social issues.

It is obviously presumptuous to make any judgment based on such a short visit, yet I felt so confident that Korea will make major and significant advances in helping young families. I imagine that critical issues such as child care, education and job training for the parents, jobs paying living wages, and access to housing and health care, will be solved by Koreans faster and probably more elegantly and efficiently than we were able to do in the US.

In closing, it was an immense gift to be able to meet such wonderful and thoughtful people and to share a little bit in the amazing energy that seems to have gathered around young families with young children. I hope there will be further opportunities for us to learn from and with one another.

Trip Highlings from Ellen Furnari

Ellen Furnari

Consultant

In our recent trip to Seoul (Feb/March, 2009) we were able to meet with representatives from Korean Womenlink. This is an organization founded in 1987 that advocates for women’s rights in terms of labor, education, participation in public life such as running for public office, and for the acceptance of many kinds of family structures.

We have been working with the Hambumo network – a national organization of single moms, for two years now. So I was happily surprised to learn that this network grew, in large part, out of the work of Korean Womenlink. For a number of years they have had public education campaigns, advocated for better legislation and government policy and helped single moms come together to support themselves.

About two years ago, Korean Womnelink decided that there was a critical need to address the situation of unwed mothers. They recognized that while unwed moms share some of the same circumstances as single moms, they also face many different challenges. So they initiated research last year as a precursor to action. This is one of the many things, by the way, that really impresses us working in Korea. So often both government and NPO’s do research in to a situation or area of concern, before doing public education or advocacy or providing services. They are very thoughtful about understanding deeply before planning and acting. And the role of researchers and professors is very important in this regard.

This year was to be year two of their project. However, the funding from the government for this work had increasing requirements attached and they decided to decline the second year of funding. The funding was to begin a public education campaign about the situation and needs of unwed moms. I hope we can find a way to help them pursue this anyway.

It is so refreshing to talk with people who have on their own, before even meeting us or hearing of our work, recognized the needs of unwed moms and decided to do something about it. It was also just enjoyable to be in their offices. When we asked questions that the senior staff with whom we were meeting couldn’t answer, they would go out and talk with the younger women and come back with various opinions and answers. There was such a sense of mutuality and cooperation. I just really enjoyed our visit and hope to work with them in the future on our shared interests.

To share a bit more, here is how Korean Womenlink describe themselves in their material: (see link below for their website)

Korean Womenlink has 10 local branches and about thousand members who actively participate in building a just and egalitarian society.

A world without domestic violence and sexual violence.
A society with an open family culture that accepts various family forms.
A society where women's sexuality and self-determination is repected.
A society where women's labor rights and equal employment are protected.
An open media, a media for the public! Eco-feminism based on life and women's perspective.
Alternative life-style movement:
A Little, a Few and Slowly Co-operative community movement to monitor environmental and life-related issues.

http://www.womenlink.or.kr/eng/eng_intro.php

Trip highlight from Yoonkyung Shin, Program Associate

Yoonkyung Shin
Program Associate


The director and consultants of Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network (hereafter KUMSN) visited Seoul from late February to early March. Dr. Richard Boas (founder/director), Ms. Ellen Furnari and Dr. Cheryl Mitchell had actively participated to several ground meetings and public forums that were focused addressing the issue of Korean unwed mothers and their children.

Feb 24, 2009 KUMSN had participated to an informal gathering at Ko-Root with four of adoptee organizations (Ko-Root, GOAL, ASK, and TRACK) that serve for the needs of returning Korean adoptee. There were also a birth father, who had been looking for his son so hard at that time, and Mr. Hwang Pilgyu, a Korean human rights lawyer. Rev. Kim Do Hyun, Ko-Root representative, prepared nice breakfast for all of us and people were able to freely discuss about the various, the most current issues which are related to Korean unwed mothers, adoptee and birth parents. Personally, it was an interesting meeting of all, because the fact that birthparents, adoptee, and adoptive father had been involved in learning and discussing about the issue which affect their lives and, as far as I learnt so far, it does not happen often. There are many people who neither realize the facts that the unwed mother issue is highly correlated to the issue of intercountry adoption nor validate the relationships that the birthparents, the adoptee, and the adoptive parent have. However, at the Ko-Root meeting, those three persons (that consist of ICA) and their supporters (staff of organization) gathered listening and learning to each other and wished the best for each other. I felt it was meaningful. ,

I would like to introduce more about the birth father who attended the gathering at Ko-Root and love to share his recent news in his family. Searching for their son was a difficult journey for him and his wife. About a year ago, they had already agreed on relinquishing their baby for domestic adoption and the baby had already been sent to Korean adoptive parents (by the way, back then she was his girlfriend but they legally married after she gave a birth). Soon the birthparents realized that the choice was not made in the best condition with appropriate counseling, wanted to take their baby back from the adoption agency but the request was rejected. They had attempted variety of means of searching for their son. They did news paper interviews, uneasy negotiations with adoption agency staff, and attend to a number of related events (attending Ko-Root breakfast meeting was the one of the chances that he could appeal to public asking help). Now their son is with the birthparents and we all were exited about the wonderful news.

Another, there is good news right after KUMSN trip ended. On March 8, a day before the World Women’s day, the popular news programs of Korea TV stations had dealt with the unwed mother issue on the prime time. It begun with Arirang TV News and the other was SBS 8 News. KUMSN had actually influenced on both TV interviews directly and indirectly; Dr. Boas and Dr. Cheryl Mitchell had interviewed with Arirang TV reporter at the Ae-Ran-Won’s new community center and at the KWDI public forum. A child-rearing mother and Dr. Lee Mi Jeong, a KWDI research fellow, had an interview with SBS TV team. During the news, they focused on the current change in Korean society; giving birth and raising children out of wedlock is no more needed to be in shady spot and ignored. There are more women who choose to keep their children and the public perception towards unwed mothers has been shifting slowly, accepting the current change. However, there is still lack of government support, and the issue of the social stigma is challenging for the unwed mothers. That news introduced the KWDI forum and its research outcome as well.

One might consider this as a fine sign for the unwed moms and their children; Korean unwed mother issue is getting more public attention in Korean society. I hope the issue would continue to be maintaining on the public agenda so it would lead Korea to find its own best solution. I hope Korea would become more mature society that is willing to give a “second chance” to those brave women who choose to raise their children by themselves. Thank you.

You could watch the Arirang TV News and SBS News segment (it is in Korean language) below:

www.arirang.co.kr/News/News_View.asp?nseq=88225&code=Ne6&category=7

news.sbs.co.kr/section_news/news_read.jsp?news_id=N1000556514

Sixth trip to Korea February/March 2009

From Richard S. Boas, MD, Founder and Director, Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network

Two and a half years ago, on my first trip to Korea, I was suddenly and deeply moved by the plight of unwed mothers there—especially that of my own daughter’s natural mother, years before. My response was to establish the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network. I am so gratified that, after a relatively short time, we are truly making progress toward improving the situation of these mothers and their children. There is a real commitment—from academia, policymakers, legislators, organizations directly serving the mothers, advocacy organizations—and the moms themselves, to providing a brighter future for these women and their children, so that they become equal, productive members of Korean society. What an opportunity for Korea to do well by them!

The sixth—and most recent—trip, in late February/early March, was particularly rewarding, as the unwed mom issue is gaining traction. We met with a lot of individuals, organizations, sponsored a workshop and a major forum, and held several interviews. What follows is a series of reflections by my staff, by Dr. Cheryl Mitchell, Research Professor, University of Vermont, who accompanied us, and by myself, about what we felt were the most significant parts of our wonderful trip.

National Adoption Month

November is National Adoption Awareness Month in the United States. As an adoptive father, I am celebrating with the simple every day activity of enjoying my daughter launch herself into the world. My wife and I adopted her from Korea 20 years ago. It’s immensely satisfying for parents to see their children blossom.

Adoption is something I am thinking about this month in a different way, in light of my work as founder of the Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network. The network, based in South Korea and the US, is focused on respectfully raising issues, supporting resources and organizations that help unwed mothers in Korea so they have the ability to decide for themselves what to do about their unborn child. In Korea 70% of unmarried pregnant women give their children up for adoption. The US figure is 2%.

Too many South Korean women give up their babies because of social and economic pressure to do so. Unwed mothers are often shunned by society — even by their own families — and get little support from the government.

We are focused on what is best for mother and child. In some cases, adoption is the best option. In others, it may be the only option. But today, our hope is that increasingly, Korean women can have a choice whether or not to keep their babies, just as they do in other advanced nations. They need the information and support (especially from the their families) to make a choice in the first place.

Especially during National Adoption Awareness Month, it felt important to me that these birthmothers- and their plight- are not forgotten.

Hankyoreh News Article by Choi Won Hyung

(Translated from the original Korean by Hankyoreh News)
Hankyoreh News May 2, 2008	<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->Choi Won Hyung

Three years ago, Kim Kyung Eun (27 years old, an assumed name) became pregnant unexpectedly out of marriage. Her mother was telling to Kim whether Kim could have an abortion surgery or possibly give up her baby for adoption. However, Kim claimed to her mother that “I am going to raise my child. “ After hearing Kim, Kim’s mother turned her back on her daughter with saying “then our relationship is over from now on.” Kim’s baby’s biological father also had been gave no help to Kim and her baby. Friends suggested the abortion surgery or adoption with saying “How could you raise your child by your own? “ After all, Kim gave a birth alone, and immediately all the trials that people predicted came close to her. The first trial was financial difficulty. As she couldn’t go to work with child, so she didn’t have any income and the expenses of hospital and living were running out her savings. As she didn’t have place to stay, she stayed at various friends’ houses with the baby and had to eat instant noodle almost everyday. The second trial was lack of information. Kim had to do some research to figure out how to bathe and to feed a baby as she had no clue first time. For instance, Kim once made a mistake that she fed her child with diarrhea powder milk as it was relatively cheaper that normal powder milk. Kim told that “ it is most difficult fact that I have to do everything on my own.” Added “Don’t you think it is more important fact that we, unwed mothers are also parent, not we accidentally gave a birth our children? Because of strong prejudice towards unwed moms, we abandoned by our own family, and not able to stand in our society ” Since last year, Kim picked out a location in Ae-Ran Mother and Baby’s home, a group home for single parent families located in Hongjedong Seodaemungu, Seoul. This is a social facility for single mother and their child that supports services like residence, vocational training, and so on for one year period. Now, Kim goes to private culinary institute to achieve a chef’s certificate. But Kim showed an unsatisfied feeling by saying. “There are many unwed child-rearing mothers who wish to reside in this group home; I would need to live after 1 year period. I hope I could stay here about three years so that I can be prepared well to become a self-sufficient. “ What she wants is to have a place like the group home in order to lean on until she would get a stable job and save some money to live with her child. This January, Lee Su Kyung (22 years old, an assumed name) have a birth at Ae-Ran-Won. Lee actually has an experience of abortion when she was 20 years old. “At that time, I took the abortion surgery for granted.” However, Lee decided to give a birth when she found out her pregnancy last year, felt constantly sorry to the baby she did aborted two years ago. Even people that she knows suggested giving up her child for adoption though, she was not willing to do it. “It imposed heavy burden to me as I am young, and there are certain things that I have to achieve. Also raising a child as single mother seems such a responsibility however, I couldn’t give up my child with all those reasons. At this time, she is preparing to live with her child together. Becoming a scalp controller (hairdresser) is Lee’s goal at this point so that she goes to private beauty institution in order to achieve hair designer’ certificate first. During daytime when Lee studies at the institution, daycare center in the facility takes care of her child. Lee set her plan to first enter the group home to live with her child, and get a job and save her income for one year period. Lee said with smile “I feel desolated as I don’t know what future would be like but I am encouraged by looking my child’s face. “ ■ Chose adoption because raising child is challenging Jeong Na Ri ( 20 years old, an assumed name) gave a birth last March. At that time, she was 19 years old. She chose to give her baby for adoption as she has no courage to raise the baby. Jeong told, “I had been also thought about bring up the baby by myself, but my future is uncertain and there is no way that my parent could support me and my child even though I let them know about all this. I concluded it is the best decision for the baby to be raised by a good adoptive parent as well as for me.” She added “My financial ability is such a problem, and I found it is very difficult to decide to deal with people’s judgments and prejudice towards to my baby who has no a daddy.” Jeong also told that she is preparing to pass the qualification examination for graduation high school now as she want to be not shameful mother when her child might find a birth mother in the future. According to Jeong, “For most of unwed mothers, either decision-raising children or giving up for adoption is not easy decision to make. Before unwed mothers make decision, they distinguish right and wrong many times, in terms of the circumstances they are at.”

2. Government only support to unwed mother with 50,000 krw as the expense of raising child. Only three mothers out of ten “I would raise my child.”
Government, nongovernmental support situation.
Hankyoreh News	<!--[if !vml]--><!--[endif]-->Choi Won Hyung

Richard Boas (59, physician) who live in Connecticut, USA, had adopted his daughter, Esther, in 1988. He wanted to know more about Esther’s home land, so visited S. Korea in 2006. At that time, he was able to visit an aid facility for unwed mothers, and surprised by the fact that unwed mothers who want to raise their children but chose to give their children for adoption as there are lack of social support towards unwed mothers. Boas was funding International adoption for people until that time, but he has been worried to help for Korean unwed mothers to raise their children by themselves. He established (a fund at) Give2Asia foundation (http://www.give2asia.org/) began to support to the aid facilities of unwed mothers in Korea.

Gradually choice of Korean unwed mothers is changing. Korea’s adoption case in 2001 were total 4206 cases but it decreased (to) 2652 cases in 2007. Current survey to unwed mothers also shows unwed mothers responded as “I, parent/family or birth father would raise my child” has increased from 24.8% in 2006 to 32.5% in 2007. Unwed mothers who decide to become raise their children are increasing today.

Swim (given) the current tendency, Korean government amended from the Mother-Father-Child Act to Hanbumo support law (Single family support law). According to the law, it had changed the target of recipients that from the unwed mother aid facility to unwed child-rearing mother and child aid facility, and clarifying Korean government’s support towards to child rearing. And it became legal basis of operating the group home for child-rearing unwed mother and child. This group home supports unwed mother can stay with her child for one year. Also an aid facility for unwed child-rearing father and child opened first time in Incheon in 2007.

Holt Children’s Service Inc. that has known for its support program of promoting adoption operates unwed mother group home since 2006, and would open unwed mother support center at Masan in this May. This center is entrusted by Kyongnam province. Hong Mi Kyung, director of PR department of Holt, told “We would help unwed mothers to have various choices not only adoption, but also raising their children by themselves.”

Nevertheless, substantial supports are still not enough. Government aid only 50,000 krw to single parent who raise under 8 years’ old children. For the residue, other supports of the expenses of vocational training are given only to single father and single mother who (officially) enter in aid facility. There is no statistics of single father and single mother as well. Han Sang Soon, director of Ae-Ran-Won, claimed that “unwed mothers who are out of aid facilities are easy to fall in crisis situation.” There is a call for structuring backup system for unwed mothers in community so that they also could access to the services like vocational training assistance.

Eliminating social prejudice towards single parent is another task that needs to be solved together with enlarging support system. Lee Mi Jeong, KWDI researcher, told “There is social prejudice that pregnancy out of wedlock is bad incident not an accident in Korea. Because of the prejudice in our society, unwed mother became alienated form society and family, chose abortion or adoption. Social recognition should expand that raising our children is our responsibility.”

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■ Interview with Richard Boas (USA) who supports Korean unwed mothers Mr. Richard Boas clearly made his opinions and impressions about Korean unwed mothers and their children through documentary interview with . 　 How did I come to support unwed Korean birthmothers? In 1988, my wife and I adopted our daughter, Esther, who was born in Pusan. We already had two children, and were unable to conceive a third child. We decided to adopt from Korea, since we understood that children, especially girls, who were born to unmarried mothers there faced a difficult life. Esther was three and a half months old when we adopted her. Esther’s birthmother was a 24 year-old unmarried factory worker, who worked until the seventh month of her pregnancy. Her relationship with the birthfather was brief, and when she realized she was pregnant, did not know how to contact him. She did not tell her family of her pregnancy, and government aid was not available to her. With her savings depleted and without any other means of support, she made the difficult decision to give up her child. While raising Esther, now 20, Katherine, 27, and Benjamin, 24, I was working as an ophthalmologist specializing in glaucoma, a disease which causes blind areas in the field of vision and, uncontrolled, leads to blindness. My work was hugely satisfying, yet after being in practice for many years, I wanted to take my life in a different direction. In 2005, I became involved in international adoption in a different way, after learning that many local families could not adopt due to steep and rising costs. I was especially moved by their desire to adopt special needs children. Being truly grateful to Family and Children’s Agency in Connecticut and Social Welfare Society in Seoul, for bringing us our child, I wanted to be able to help other families do what we had done. I began meeting with other adoptive parents in my area, and together we started The Adoption Foundation at Family and Children’s Agency. It was truly gratifying to sit on a committee which reviewed applications from families, and make grants that would allow these families to adopt. During my time with the Foundation, we aided about fifteen families. As I had not yet been to Korea, and wanted to do everything I could to promote our work, I asked to join the staff from FCA on their trip to Korea in October 2006, at my expense. The trip changed me. What I found out eventually led to a sharp change in the direction of my work. I was not prepared for my reaction to holding infants in a nursery, meeting special needs children, and visiting sick children in the hospital. These children were orphans, relinquished by their unmarried mothers. However, I was deeply impressed upon meeting a dozen young women in a Social Welfare Society facility in Daegu. The women were approximately 18-24 years old, all were unmarried, all were pregnant, and every single one of these mothers had already agreed to give up her child. Esther’s birthmother could have been one of these women, and Esther could have been one of these children. I had been a strong supporter of international adoption. Yet these encounters affected me profoundly. I realized that I had been blind to the possible negative effects of adoption, especially international adoption, on birthmother and child. Is giving up one’s child truly necessary? More importantly, isn’t it the right of any loving, capable birthmother to bring up her child, if she chooses, not just in Korea, but anywhere in the world? I returned asking How can I, as an adoptive parent and physician, help so that the best interests of unmarried Korean birthmothers and the children born to them are met? If a woman chooses to keep and raise her child, how can I help increase the likelihood that this will happen? Should birthmothers need to place their children for adoption, how may I further help them, and the facilities where these unwed mothers and their newborn children live? If Esther had been born last week, what would be the right thing to do? I learned that over 2000 children are adopted from Korea each year, and another 2000 are adopted domestically. 70% of unmarried Korean birthmothers give up their children; the US figure is 2%. That’s a huge difference. I asked Why isn’t Korea, the world’s 11th largest economy, helping its own? Shouldn’t it be doing everything it can to minimize overseas adoption (and domestic adoption) by maximizing the chances that a woman can keep and raise her baby? Don’t these brave women deserve all the help they can get? Deeply moved, I abandoned the pro-international adoption foundation that I helped to start, and turned my attention to raising the visibility of the difficult situation of unmarried Korean birthmothers and their children, in the hope that Koreans would positively address the issue. What do I think of the unwed mother situation in Korea? Evaluation as a foreigner. Comparison with US. I see it as unfortunate, difficult, and very much needing attention, as a pressing women’s and children’s rights issue. If a woman keeps and raises her child, she and her child endure social stigma, alienation from her family and lack of government support. If a woman gives up her child to adoption (usually the case), she is faced with the guilt and shame that will stay with her for the rest of her life. Korean society and government only minimally address the situation. I love my daughter, and as grateful as I am that Esther came into my life, it pains me to see any woman give up her child because government and people are not willing to support her, just as Esther’s birthmother was forced to give up Esther. In the US and Scandinavian countries, among others, discrimination against unmarried mothers is virtually nonexistent, and social support systems are readily available. Mira Lee, Director of Domestic Adoption Department, Social Welfare Society, points out that, rather than emulate other countries’ support systems, Koreans must focus on addressing the prejudice against unmarried mothers. I would agree, adding that the Korean people and government have a wonderful opportunity to do well by these mothers and their children, and support them in whatever way possible. (Welfare Systems for Unmarried Mothers in Advanced Countries and Korea, SWS Bulletin 2006) Support (by) Dr. Boas (through) Give2Asia It has given me great meaning to support several organizations advocating for unwed and single mothers, and providing direct service, including Ae Ran Won, Korean Womens Workers Association, Korean Women’s Assocations United and Hanbumo/Single Mothers Network. Grants have been made through San Francisco-based Give2Asia, which has researched grant proposals and followed up on reports from recipients. What needs to be done for unwed Korean moms, to reduce the rate of ICA? I believe several factors must be addressed here. First, unwanted pregnancies need to be prevented in the first place. Korea needs to seriously address sex education—and society’s bias against it—of boys as well as girls. Many unwed mothers will have a second pregnancy, so that intervention/education after the first pregnancy is important. Unmarried pregnant women need counseling and resources that will help them make the best decisions for themselves and their babies. They also need the time and freedom to make these important decisions. For those women who wish to keep and raise their babies (and increase the likelihood that they will keep their children), appropriate support needs to be available: Education, job training, babysitting, housing assistance, medical and education assistance, childrearing resources. Women, regardless of marital status or whether they have children, must be treated equally in the workplace. Frequently, if a woman tells a job interviewer she has a child, she will not be given the job. If she tells the interviewer she has no children, she is more likely to get the job. The validity of unmarried women raising their children in Korea needs to be emphasized. Women’s advocacy groups are already raising the visibility of this issue. The number of homes (only 16 in all of Korea) for unwed mothers needs to be increased, through government funding, and ongoing resources need to be made available. In contrast, there are four large agencies involved in intercountry adoption. This is significant, in that there are many overseas families wishing to adopt, and agencies wishing to help them. This may be in the best interests of the adoptive families and the agencies themselves, but the focus needs to be on what is best for mother and child. Recently, much attention has been focused on domestic adoption, as an alternative to intercountry adoption, with financial incentives for adopting couples. While domestic adoption is preferable to ICA in most cases, I would strongly argue that a mother raising her child is generally best for the child, mother and society, that this be encouraged, and support be provided. In addressing the situation of unmarried mothers and their children, Korean families have the opportunity to maintain ties with their daughters and their children, for the ultimate benefit of all. Korea has the world’s lowest birthrate, and the risk of a population decline is real. Efforts to deal with this situation by increasing the holding period for infants destined for ICA (5 months), and encouraging domestic adoption, do not address the cause of the problem, that of mothers giving up children. Simply, more mothers keeping children equals fewer adoptions—and fewer children leaving the country. Anything I would like to tell the Korean government, media and Korean National Assembly? These birthmothers and their children are Korean too, and these mothers love their children as much as any mother does, anywhere. The economic and social price—compared to these mothers giving up their children, is relatively small. It is in the best interest of a developed society, such as Korea, that cares about its children, to support them in whatever way possible, and give them the prospect of a bright future. It is important for me to help make this issue more visible, and promote discussion, even debate, in the hope that it is positively and effectively addressed. However, though my daughter was born in Korea, and I care deeply about unwed mothers and their children, I am not Korean. This is clearly a matter for Korean society and government to pursue, and they have a wonderful opportunity to do so.
	(English translation provided by Hankyoreh News)

Dr. Boas' presentation at KAAN 2008. A true story

KAAN 2008

Adoptive Dad Supports Unwed Korean Moms

Rick Boas

A true story, not an uncommon one, from Korea:

Kyung Ae (an assumed name), an unmarried factory worker from Pusan, met Su Cheo, when he was on military leave. Both were 24. Their relationship was brief. When Kyung Ae realized she was pregnant, she didn’t know how to contact Su Cheo. Kyung Ae didn’t tell her family of her pregnancy, and worked until she was seven months pregnant. With her family unaware, no available government aid, her savings depleted, and no other means of support, Kyung Ae made the difficult decision to give up her child. It’s unclear when she decided, but I am sure the circumstances of the delivery and birth played a part as well: Eun Sil Han was born at 34 weeks, a breech delivery, was cyanotic, with neonatal respiratory distress syndrome. She spent her first month in the hospital, on IV antibiotics, before going to live with a foster family.

In a social worker’s words: The mother “… had no ability of child upbringing as an unmarried girl both financially and socially and released this child to our Pusan Branch for the child’s better future through adoption.”

That child came to us at age 3 ½ months and became our daughter. My wife and I already had two children, and were unable to conceive a third. We decided to adopt from Korea, since we understood that children, especially girls, who were born to unmarried mothers there faced a difficult life. And Korea and the US had the world’s best developed system of intercountry adoption, or ICA. I had the sense of rescuing a child from an uncertain, probably dismal future, and giving her a better life in the US.

And life for Esther, now 20, a rising college junior and psychology major, has been very good. It’s especially exciting to watch her grow into young adulthood, and start to “launch” herself.

While raising Esther, and my two other children, Katherine, now 27, and Benjamin, 24, I was working as an ophthalmologist specializing in glaucoma, a disease which causes blind areas in the field of vision and, uncontrolled, leads to blindness. My work was hugely satisfying, yet after being in practice for many years, I felt a need to take my life in a different direction. In the midst of a life on overdrive, I was also aware of a sense of being upset about something that I did not understand—and realized that I had this feeling for a long time.

In 2005, I became involved in international adoption in a different way. I learned that many local families could not adopt due to steep and rising costs. I was especially moved by their desire to adopt special needs children, as well as siblings of children already adopted. Being truly grateful to Family and Children’s Agency in Connecticut (FCA) and Social Welfare Society in Seoul (SWS), for bringing us our child, I wanted to be able to help other families do what we had done. How could I not? These kids all needed loving families!

I began meeting with other adoptive parents in my area, and together we started The Adoption Foundation at FCA. It was truly gratifying to sit on a committee that reviewed applications from families, and make grants that would allow these families to adopt. During my time with the Foundation, we aided about fifteen families.

As I had not yet been to Korea, and wanted to do everything I could to promote our work, I asked to join the staff from FCA on their trip to Korea in October 2006, at my expense.

The trip changed me. What I found out turned me completely around.

Even before the “official” part of my trip, I went mountain hiking (Korea is 70% mountains, and I love to hike). Well, this day was a hiking day for hundreds of middle grade school kids as well, and as we passed one another, saying “hello” and high-fiving, I thought, My daughter would not have been in this group of well-dressed, happy kids, had she stayed in Korea. As I say, you never know what you’ll find out on the trail.

A couple of days later, in Seoul, I was not prepared for my reaction to holding infants (some as young as four days) in a nursery. I didn’t understand how I would feel meeting special needs children, visiting sick children in the hospital, and seeing a three month-old boy and his foster mom. These children were all orphans, relinquished by their unmarried mothers. But what really got to me was meeting a dozen young women in an SWS facility in Daegu. The women were approximately 18-24 years old, all were unmarried, all were pregnant, and every single one of these mothers had already agreed to give up her child. At that moment, I realized that, 20 years ago, Esther’s mother was one of these women, and Esther was one of these orphans.

I had been a strong supporter of international adoption. Yet these encounters affected me profoundly. I realized I had been blind to the circumstances of unwed Korean mothers, their children and families, and the possible negative effects of adoption, especially international adoption, on birthmother and child. Seventy percent of unmarried Korean mothers give up their children. The US figure is two percent. Why the disparity in Korea? Is this truly necessary? More importantly, isn’t it the right of any loving, capable mother to bring up her child, if she chooses, not just in Korea, but anywhere in the world? These dozen women, and Young Ja before them, whom I had every reason to believe were as loving any other mother, had painfully relinquished their children. Effectively, they had no choice.

I returned to Connecticut and, with my thinking sharply changed, asked: How can I, an adoptive parent, help so that the best interests of unmarried Korean mothers and the children born to them are met? If a woman chooses to keep and raise her child, how can I help increase the likelihood that she will be able to do this? Should mothers need to place their children for adoption, how may I further help them? If Esther had been born last week, what would have been the right thing to do for her and her mother?

Some 2000 children are adopted from Korea each year, and another 2000 are adopted domestically. ICA, from Korea, started over 50 years ago as a valid response to the needs of war orphans and children fathered by American servicemen. ICA continues for completely different reasons. Even though some overseas adoption may always be necessary, why isn’t Korea, now the world’s 13^th largest economy, helping its own? Why isn’t it doing everything it can to help unmarried women keep and raise their children? These brave women deserve all the help they can get!

Shortly after I returned home, I found myself reading, wide-eyed, a blog written by Marie Myung Ok Lee, who teaches creative writing at Brown University. Marie, author of Somebody’s Daughter, studied unmarried Korean birthmothers in 1997, on a Fulbright Fellowship. The blog’s entry, from May 2006, was entitled How Working With Unmarried Korean Birth Mothers Colored My Ideas About Adoption. In it Marie described her experience with moms at Ae Ran Won Unmarried Mothers Home in Seoul. She wrote two “equations:”

1. The usual adoption “equation” is Family + Adopted Korean Child = Happy Family

2. The truly honest “equation” is Family + Adopted Korean Child = Happy Family +

(Korean Birthmother – Her Child)

My jaw dropped. I had encountered my own blind spot in Korea, and here was someone articulating what I had just begun to see. I knew then the reason for my unsettled feeling all these years. I had not recognized or validated the woman who gave birth to my child, nor the relationship between them. I began to understand why I, like others, had found it difficult to be aware of the reality of unwed mothers—anywhere. It’s hard to wrap your mind around adoption and the mom at the same time.

Stunned, I abandoned the pro-international adoption foundation I helped to start. Instead, I began to shine my flashlight on unwed Korean birthmothers and their children. My hope was that I could do something to help Koreans to positively address the issue. And I was about to repeat something I had started years ago when entering medical practice: Identifying blind spots and dealing with them.

If an unwed Korean woman keeps and raises her child, both usually endure social stigma, hostility, alienation from her family, and lack of government support. She is told that since she created her problem, she must solve it, alone. If a woman gives up her child to adoption (usually the case), she is faced with the guilt and shame that will stay with her for the rest of her life. I love my daughter, and as grateful as I am that Esther came into my life, it pains me to see any woman give up her child because government and people are not willing to support her, just as Young Ja was forced to give up Eun Sil. Though I have met Koreans who feel guilty about not taking care of their own, most try to ignore the issue. They are largely guided by Confucian thinking which stresses blood lineage, and the stigma against unmarried mothers and their children. Current public policy supports this stigma. When babies are adopted overseas, Koreans don’t have to deal with an unpleasant situation, the government doesn’t need to provide for these children (and their mothers), so the matter goes largely unaddressed.

I believe the following need to be addressed, so more moms keep and raise their kids:

Unmarried pregnant women need counseling and resources that will help them make the best decisions for themselves and their babies. Women wishing to keep and raise their babies need: Education, job training, babysitting, housing assistance, medical and education assistance, childrearing resources.

1. Women need to be able to make these decisions in a safe environment, free from pressure to relinquish their children. Adoption agency incentives to relinquish, such as free medical care, should be abolished.




2. Women, regardless of marital status or whether they have children, must be treated equally in the workplace.




3. The validity of unmarried Korean women raising their children needs to be emphasized, throughout Korean society and government. Women’s advocacy groups are already raising visibility of the issue. Others can help, too, and need to step forward and do so.




4. A mother raising her child is generally best for the child, mother and society, although ICA may be in the best interests of families wishing to adopt, and the agencies themselves. This must be emphasized, and support be provided. More mothers keeping and raising their children equals fewer adoptions.




5. In cases where adoption is desired, ensure that the needs and wishes of the birthmother and child are paramount, and provide a means to encourage domestic adoptions, rather than ICA. Currently, the Korean government promotes domestic adoption by requiring a five-month holding period for infants, provides financial incentives for prospective parents, and pressures agencies to limit ICA—usually after a round of criticism of Korea as sending large numbers of children overseas. In all of these, the symptoms of the problem are addressed, rather than the underlying cause.




6. Prevention of unwanted pregnancy: Korea needs to seriously address sex education—and society’s bias against it—of boys as well as girls. There is always a man involved. Many unwed mothers will have a second pregnancy. Intervention/education after the first pregnancy is essential.




7. Scholarly research is needed on the demographics of these mothers and children, as well as society’s attitude toward them. This is a necessary prerequisite to advocating any social change —to government, opinion makers and the public.

Though my daughter was born in Korea, and I care deeply about unwed mothers and their children, obviously I am not Korean. This is clearly a matter for Korean society and government to pursue. Mothers everywhere love their children, just as Young Ja loved Eun Sil—and I hope still does. The personal, social and economic price--compared to these mothers giving up their children--is relatively small. It is in the best interest of a developed society, such as Korea, that cares about its children, to support them in whatever way possible, and give them the prospect of a bright future. It is important for me to help make this issue more visible, educate, explain, suggest, promote discussion, even debate, and serve as a resource, in the hope that it is positively and effectively addressed—in Korea and the US. Korea has a wonderful opportunity to embrace these birthmothers and their children. They are Korean too, and part of Korea’s future.