Study Tour finale

Days Four and Five

The last days were so busy, there was no time to write. On day four we had a final meeting with the Addison Parent Child Center and talked about the importance of working together, how to use creative tension amongst various programs to produce better work with and for moms, and encouragement to keep checking with the moms about what they want and their opinions on various issues.

Then we visited the Lund Family Center. This was a particularly interesting place to visit as it began as a home for unwed moms in the the late 1890s. For the 80 years or so of existence, the primary services they provided were a home for pregnant women who needed a safe and invisible place to stay and give birth to their babies, and then an adoption service to place almost all of those babies, in new families. With changes in abortion law, welfare programs and major cultural shifts, by the 1980s the center was making big changes. Today the center offers residential programs for pregnant and parenting young moms and their babies, child care, education, substance abuse, foster family training and support, adoption, nutrition and so much more. They have just completed a remodel of their building and it is not only very beautiful, but clearly able to provide appropriate space for the current program.

We were treated to talk with Governor Madeline Kunin, former Governor of Vermont and the first (and only so far) woman governor in Vermont. She stressed with us the need to support women in all walks of life, to find their voices and participate in the political life of the community. Whether this is running for office or attending city council meetings or writing for the paper, women’s views are essential in creating a world that works better for moms. She is such an inspiration. She stressed that the intersection of poverty and single parent families is a huge issue and must be addressed with social supports, education for the parents and children, health care, housing and counseling where needed. She also stressed the role of good sex education in the schools for prevention.

Then we were off to the University of Vermont to learn more about the impact of early childhood education on the lives of vulnerable young children. High quality, early education clearly prevents much human suffering and saves the government a great deal of money. We had a chance to talk about special education in the school and a number of other topics related to supporting children with challenges.

That evening we flew to NYC.

The fifth day of our tour included visiting the UN building and meeting with a member of the Korean mission to the UN. We shared with her work that is being done in Korea for unwed moms and some thoughts about what still needs to be done. We met with the National Center for Children in Poverty and learned a lot about their research and the materials they make available for groups that advocate for the needs of children. They work in close cooperation with state governments and advocates and others concerned about creating effective, timely and affordable programs that support the best development and healthy outcomes for children who grow up in poor families. The breadth of the issues they address include income support, health, education, mental health, juvenile justice, and family laws.

All in all this was a fantastic study tour. Much was learned. We are looking forward to being in Seoul soon, to carry on discussions began on this trip, to share with others some of our learning and to continue to support those working in Korea on behalf of unwed moms and the moms themselves.

Day Three of the Study Tour

Day Three

We started this morning again at the Addison Parent Child Center, answering a number of lingering questions. The staff at the Center have been extremely helpful, kind and so very knowledgeable. We learned more about how they nurture young moms toward independence, at the moms own pace. The definition they gave us of empowering moms is to provide the skills, support and knowledge so that moms have the resources to make choices for themselves and their children. They teach all sorts of skills, provide emotional, financial and practical support and information and education. Then the moms are in a much better place to make the decisions about what they do and how they do it. We have seen many examples of this in practice and found this a very useful definition.

Then we were off to the Washington County Parent Child Center. This center has a new, beautiful and highly functional child care center. And an older building that is mostly offices. Almost all of the work they do with families is out in the community, in moms’ homes, and various kinds of community centers. While their philosophy is similar to the Addison PC/C their implementation is quite different. It was good to see how programs can be constructed quite differently toward similar goals. We also learned about how they juggle many different funding streams and the related tension, in order to pay for their programs.

We then whisked off to the Vermont capital building in Montpelier to meet with people who had been advocating for children and families for many years. We learned how they had built a coalition and network of people from many different kinds of organizations, who have worked together over the years on shared agendas. They have learned how to tell compelling stories backed up with hard data and statistics. They can mobilize people who care and who are affected by issues, to bring to the legislature from many different districts. It is powerful when people from many different kinds of organizations and with many different concerns can speak together for a particular shared issue.

We also learned more about the parentage laws created in Vermont in the late 1980s. Until then, a parent who was never married had to file something called a bastardy action in order to get child support for and custody of their child. Now there are parentage laws that stipulate how judges review custody and set child support and other related issues. If a parent doesn’t pay the child support, there are ways the state can help collect it and can also impose penalties such as the loss of a drivers license. This has not only increased the financial support of children, but in many cases has increased fathers involvement with their children. We heard how this and other important advances such as the family court system, took a number of years to achieve. Like all big changes, it took the work of many people, from many different perspectives over about 8 years to accomplish.

We then were treated to a conversation with people from the Vermont Department of Children and Families. We came to understand that the people of Vermont truly believe that it is a societal obligation to help care for children, not just a private family concern. All of society benefits from healthy children and all pay for the problems of troubled youth and adults. We learned more about the many social supports that unwed moms might be eligible for, and how some of those systems work. Moms, depending on their income and other circumstances, might get a cash stipend – often called welfare; health insurance; support for child care if she is working or in school or job training; rental assistance so her rent is free or low cost; food stamps to help with food purchases; WIC (a federal program) that provides well children check ups, nutritional education and food, and other health related supports for mothers and very young children; help paying heating bills and the cost of a basic phone line; and possibly help with the cost of school, job training, and transportation. And there are possibly a few other benefits from other state departments. We heard how one of the weak links in this system is the availability of rental support. There are not enough apartments available and not enough subsidies, so that there is a real problem of homelessness for some families.

We ended the day with yet another lovely dinner, hosted by our friends looking out over Camels Hump Mountain, enjoying Korean food and home made pie. Such a hardship. Over great food we had some time to reflect on what we are learning and what it might mean for our Korean colleagues.

Day Two of the Study Tour

Day Two of the Study Tour
Today we spent the whole day at the Addison County Parent Child Center . We had a chance to experience the family atmosphere of the place, from breakfast through dinner, we were enfolded in the warmth and caring of staff and participants. It is clear that this becomes a family place, quite literally, for participants and also staff.

We met with moms and one dad, who shared their stories of how the PC/C helped them finish school, make good decisions in their lives, find housing, get job training, learn about parenting and even learn Taikwando. We talked with staff about how they work with moms to co create programs. We could hear, see and feel how the program works to support moms in addressing all the issues in their lives. We even noticed the condoms in a basket in the bathroom – making it easy to access birth control without even having to ask!

We were honored to have a panel of highly skilled journalists share their experiences with us and brainstorm together about how the story of unwed moms in Korea, might get told. We learned a lot from them.

And we ended the day with a celebratory dinner with many of the families involved in the center, and other friends and family. It was a typical family gathering – children running around, adults holding babies so moms could get a bite of dinner, everyone admiring everyone else’s child, sharing stories, feeling at home.

While a similar Korean program would of course have many differences, we all had visions of various aspects of this program we would like to see in Korea. And of course there are already programs such as Aeranwon’s “Me, You, Us” program and the the new Hambumo Centers run by the government, that have started to offer some of these programs and which could be expanded. So much to learn.

KUMSN study tour in the US

July 20th, 2009

The Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network has sponsored a study tour to the US. It started today. We are spending the first four days in Vermont, visiting the original Parent Child Center in Vermont – the Addison Parent Child Center, and a number of related organizations and efforts in Middlebury. Then we will visit two other Centers, meet with legislators, staff of the Agency of Human Services and others concerned about the well being of unwed mothers and their children. Finally we will fly to New York City to visit several programs there.

We started today with a discussion of why businesses are supporting services to single moms ( in the US we don’t distinguish why a woman is a single mom). Businesses believe that their success depends on a healthy economy which depends on a healthy community, which means that all residents need to be well educated, healthy, able to participate. They see that to accomplish this all children need reasonably good childhoods and education. And thus addressing the needs of single moms is important so they can provide this for their children.

One interesting aspect of the discussion had to do with how businesses can support women in the work place. Clearly one of the huge needs of single moms is to have employment that is sensitive to their need to care for their children if they get sick, or have a special event at school, or the like. Some businesses have done a much better job than others responding to the needs of women in the workforce. As one of the discussants said, her employer recognizes women bring hard work and talent to their workplaces, and does what they can to encourage their employment. A critical aspect of this is the availability of affordable, high quality day care.

We visited the Mary Johnson Childcare Center in Middlebury. This center serves about equal numbers of low income children whose tuition is paid for by the state, and well to do families who pay private tuition. One of the first things you notice about the center is how beautiful and well maintained it is. The Center believes that beauty is part of what children need. They have a constantly evolving curriculum, created between teachers and children. They serve a number of children with special needs, including physical and emotional disabilities. It was moving to see how much effort they make to communicate with parents the activities and development of their children. This center was developed to continue providing stimulating and nurturing childcare to the children from the Addison Parent Child Center, but has grown to be much more. This kind of child care is truly educational, built on the increasing understanding of how children’s brains and emotional selves develop. It is important for very young children who are in childcare all day to have stimulation, loving care, physical exercise, lots of play and good nutrition, in a very safe environment.

We then went to our first meeting at the Addison Parent Child Center. The center began as a program to serve teen mothers, but has evolved to serve the needs of many different kinds of families. While many of the parents served are single moms, they also work with single fathers and married couples. And of course they work with the children as well. PC/C provides parenting support, childcare, education and job training. They help parents address the challenges in their lives whether it be finishing high school or getting higher education, job training, learning to be a better parent, emotional support through counseling, and more. All parents spend some time working in the childcare rooms to learn about the needs of young children and how to best support their growth.

Interestingly we started with a panel discussion about the role of men and fathers, touching on the huge impact including men in childrearing has. The PC/C has found that men actively engaged in their children’s lives, even if no longer involved with the mothers, are much less likely to father more children. They come to appreciate and understand what it really means to bring new life in to the work and parent the child. We also learned more about the child support system in Vermont, and how parents are expected to financially support their children. Finally we heard from a legislator why he supported the expansion of this kind of program. He told us that for every dollar spent on programs like the PC/C, approximately $7 can be saved in the costs of incarceration, special education, health care costs, etc. The Parent Child Centers provide many services in one place, which makes it very accessible for parents and much more likely that they will get many of their needs met.

Finally we met some researchers. We learned that about ½ of pregnancies in the US are unplanned and not wanted or at least not wanted at this time. This contributes to abortion but also to complications such as low birth weight and maternal and infant mortality. One link is that because about 40-50% of lower income women don’t have health insurance , it can take several months before they know they are pregnant, and then sign up for and receive federally funded health coverage for their pregnancy. By then they are often in their fourth or even fifth month of pregnancy and a number of health related issues might have needed to be addressed early. We heard about the need to have conversations with young women of childbearing age concerning their pregnancy plans. Every health related visit can include the question – are you planning to get pregnant, and if not, how are you preventing it? Every woman, every time is the slogan for this approach .

After a long day, we were hosted to dinner on a Vermont sheep farm, and were treated to a beautiful sunset.

Tomorrow, more on parent child centers.

A look at the lives of unwed Korean mothers

I had the pleasure, with Kimberly Hee Stock, a Korean adoptee from Delaware (who was with us at the KWDI Forum in March), of presenting A Look Today At the Lives of Unwed Korean Mothers: Where We Are and Where We Need to Go, at the IKAA Conference in New York, on April 17. Kimberly and I spoke based on our respective experiences, and our talks complemented one another well—hers from the perspective of an adoptee, and mine from that of an adoptive parent.

Kimberly came to appreciate the moms’ situation when she sat across the table from an unwed pregnant woman, holding hands with her, and my appreciation came from visiting a group of unwed women who had already agreed to relinquish their children to adoption.

Our individual presentations were followed by a brief conversation between us, after which a video was shown of two Korean moms—one who relinquished her child, the other who is raising her child—whom Rick interviewed last year. Audience questions were thoughtful—and challenging. One questioner wondered if presenting these women as victims does them a disservice—the sad answer is that Korean society effectively forces them into the position of relinquishing their children, or bringing them up under very difficult circumstances.

We weren’t sure how the audience would respond—after all, the situation of unwed Korean mothers is not something that adoptees generally think about. Gratifyingly, the presentation, made to an audience of some 30 people, made up mostly of adoptees, was received well.

Trip Highlights from Dr. Cheryl Mitchell

Reflections on my visit to Korea.
Cheryl Mitchell

It was a most amazing experience to be invited to join Dr. Boas, Ellen Furnari, and the KUMSN staff for two weeks of visits and meetings in Seoul this spring. I was totally impressed by the diligence and thoughtfulness that so many people bring to helping improve the situation for unwed mothers and their children. It seemed as if everyone: practitioners, government officials, researchers, parents, women’s groups, the media, church members, and members of the community, wanted to make things better, and that everyone shared a vision of country in which all children were loved and cared for and all parents were respected.

There were so many things that seemed special and important to me that I can only list a few:

Meeting with mothers and hearing their life stories (whether they relinquished their babies or were raising them alone or with help) was clearly the high point. I was struck by how committed these young women were to helping develop a more supportive community, in ways that might not even benefit them directly. Their willingness to speak out publically struck me as both an act of courage and also an act of joy about the lives they hope will be possible for their children. And of course enjoying the delightful energy of the babies and toddlers was another high light. Being at Ae Ran Wan with the staff and parents made me feel as if I were back home at the Parent/Child Center in Vermont. The sense of love and possibility is so palpable.

It was also extremely impressive to me that the Governments (both National and Municipal) were taking such a thoughtful approach to crafting social policies that would really help young families. They were paying attention to child care, health care, continuing education for the mothers, relationships with the fathers and extended family, job opportunities, and ways to overcome the stigma. The level of research about these social policy issues seems very high and I was tremendously impressed by the researchers I met. Korea seems to value this research more that we sometimes do in the US and I applaud the great working relationships I saw between policy makers and academics.

Being on the panel for the KWDI Forum at the National Assembly was a truly thrilling opportunity for me. The chance to learn from other researchers, the thoughtful responses to my presentation, and the clear interest of government in this issue were all very heartening. I was so grateful to have had more time to get to know people in other settings, both formal and informal, and so grateful to Ms Kwon and Ms Shin who did such meticulous arranging and great translating. The chance to meet so many practitioners at the KUMSN training day was also a humbling and exciting experience. There is so much excellent work being done in Korea, and events such as this are just the beginning of people being learning from one another.

I was greatly impressed by the energy and effectiveness of the many groups and people we met with individually, from adoptees to labor to woman’s groups to private agencies. Korea is so fortunate to have this great convergence of energy, interest, knowledge and skill. It seemed as if dramatic social changes could well happen much more quickly here (as they did for technology or for growing the economy.) Walking into Nel Purin, for example, it was clear that Korea was taking a respectful and effective approach to helping prevent unintended pregnancy while other agencies were beginning to work just as effectively to help ensure that women who do get pregnant receive the support they need to effectively care for their babies.

I felt so grateful for the many opportunities to talk with the press, for how well prepared they were, and for the direct and important questions they asked. Since overcoming stigma does require a high level of public awareness, it was good to know that reporters were taking the time to really understand the situation.

There were a few things that surprised me. Prior to arriving, I had heard that the structures of a society very strongly influenced by Confucianism would be such that unwed mothers and their children could never be accepted. Yet many times I heard older men say “If it were my daughter in that situation, I would be understanding and helpful.” And many times I heard mothers who were raising their children say that their parents were now helping them. In the US, we frequently found that parents were very angry when they first learned their daughter was pregnant, and frequently would not allow her to live at home during her pregnancy, yet almost always, after the baby was born, the grand parent instinct seemed to kick in and there was usually a rapprochement. I also met unwed fathers in Korea who were concerned about their babies. So I think there is far more hope here of families supporting one another than I had expected to find.

It was also startling to learn that there is no required town and birth registry to serve as the basis for research about vital statistics. It made the good research even more impressive to me given the difficulty of obtaining information. The relative youth of the philanthropic sector was also a little surprising, but made up for in their openness to tackling challenging social issues.

It is obviously presumptuous to make any judgment based on such a short visit, yet I felt so confident that Korea will make major and significant advances in helping young families. I imagine that critical issues such as child care, education and job training for the parents, jobs paying living wages, and access to housing and health care, will be solved by Koreans faster and probably more elegantly and efficiently than we were able to do in the US.

In closing, it was an immense gift to be able to meet such wonderful and thoughtful people and to share a little bit in the amazing energy that seems to have gathered around young families with young children. I hope there will be further opportunities for us to learn from and with one another.

Trip Highlights from Hee Jong Kwon

We can sing a rainbow
Testimonial Dinner of Korean Unwed Mothers Support Network

Hee Jung Kwon (project coordinator)

There were two big events to celebrate; one is that KUMSN officially started in September 2008, and the other is a KWDI forum at National Assembly in March 4, 2009. I had to spend quite some time giving thoughts that how it should be celebrated well during the time Dr. Boas, Ms. Furnari and Dr. Mitchell were visiting Korea.
An idea that hit my mind was having a reception after the KWDI forum. But the next question was who should be invited. Originally I planned to invite KWDI researchers and government officials since the goals of KWDI research are closely related to designing new possible policies for unwed mothers and their children. However, it didn’t turn out well. I found government officials are in the position of being neutral so that they were willing to attend the forum but not the reception.
After tossing and turning, I realized that people who voiced and worked for the benefits and rights of unwed moms in 2008 should be invited. So I sent invitations to them and, thank God, all of them replied me that they were happily to attend.
On the day of reception, there were Dr. Kim Hey Young, Dr. Lee Mi Jeong, and other associate researchers from KWDI who have carried out wonderful research on unwed mothers and their children.

And there was Ms. Han, Sang Soon, director of AeRanWon, who has passionately provided all the possible services for unwed moms and recently opened a community base center for unwed mothers. Reverend Kim Do Hyun from KoRoot also voiced for the rights of unwed mothers and their children in the middle of adoption debating field. Ms. Cho Kyu Young, a member of Seoul Metropolitan Council, raised a sharp question to the Mayor of Seoul. It brought a positive result that the Seoul City Government was able to secure a budget for the welfare of unwed moms and their children.
In 2008, there was a forum about unwed youth moms. Two main figures to make it happen were also at the reception, Ms. Park Sung Hae, a director of Neul Purun Center of Seoul Metropolitan Government and Professor Kim, Eun Young, who was in charge of the research.

The presidents of HANBUMO Network and UN Future Forum, Ms. Kwon Kyung Ae and Ms. Park, Young Sook were also there to celebrate the night. HANBUMO network, which has worked hard for the rights of Korean single moms, started to train volunteer counselors for “little moms.” UN Future Forum has helped unwed moms by providing goods and shelters for unwed moms. And books of unwed moms’ stories and successful cases of foreign countries in supporting single unwed moms were published by UN Future forum. A writer, Kimberly Hee Stock who struggled for finding the ‘greater truth in my adoption’ though a book, Origami Crane, also attended and chatted with the other guests.

While the people at the reception were enjoying meals and talks, I received text messages from Ms. Yoo, Kyung Hee, a board member of Korea Womenlink. She sent several messages that she could be late but the last one was that she couldn’t make it since her lecture finished too late. Korea Womenlink also carried out wonderful research and hosted a symposium for non-wed mothers. They wanted to create new identity by creating a new term, “non-wed mom.” This emphasizes a woman’s own decision that she can have a baby without marriage.

Even though we missed one, there were people from academy, politics, social welfare, and NGOs from different sectors of society. We know society cannot change by efforts from only one side. In that means, we had all. Like a rainbow, the variety of color will make our society better and beautiful. Red and yellow are different. And green are purple are also different. But we know the differences can make a beautiful rainbow.

I am dreaming that the day comes soon when unwed moms color themselves to be a part of that rainbow. And the day we sing together….


A rainbow of Testimonial Dinner